Everything should just stop, okay?

Somehow I've been moving along just fine, but now, everything just seems so jarring, everything is swirling around.  Is this the same as before, or different, I wonder?  I wonder...should I just try to be happy?  Or should I not?  "Whatever I want,"...what is it that I want?  Do I want to be cheerful and happy?  Or not...?  Am I stressed?  I don't know anymore.  This blog...is really terrible, isn't it?  I'm still so hard on myself.  When will I ever give myself a break?  Maybe I should just take a break from myself.  What does that even mean?  Does that make any sense at all?  Why would I do something like that??  Isn't who I am important?  So why...why......is it so painful too?  Ugh...