I'm addicted to trying to get things done...

This holiday season has been a pretty decent one.  Let's see if I can run through all of the different things that have been going on...

Wattam came out -- this is the crazy game I worked on for 2 years at Funomena.  I finally got around to grabbing a copy of it myself and it's been great (and silly) getting to actually play with it, and more importantly, seeing friends interact with it and play through it as well.  I'm reminded of a lot of the struggles that went on in development...

I released two new volumes (volume 4 and volume 5) of my custom ringtones series.  I don't know if anybody besides myself really uses these, but they're there anyways.  Along with the cover for Monthlies 2019.12, that makes 3 separate 100x100 pixel art drawings that I've done this month.  Feels nice to be able to churn these out with such regularity now.

I've finished my System Shock 2: UNN Nightwalker playthrough.  This one actually provided a good amount of challenge -- I went for a Standard weapons build and unfortunately did not manage to get to Standard 6 to use the assault rifle, so I was using the pistol and shotgun for the entire game, and barely managed to scrape by using the ammo and health that I was able to find along the way.  I wonder if my old Energy build would have actually fared a bit better since in that case you don't have to worry about ammo.  Heavy weapons 1 probably would have actually been a pretty sensible investment since it would allow you to make use of the grenade launcher.  If I had to give some tips to anybody else playing through this fan mission, I'd say that the french-epstein devices are actually relatively plentiful, so it might not be worth spending cyber modules on Modify.  I ended up with a fair number of ice picks too (I guess I always do), so maybe taking Hack all the way to 3 might not even be necessary either.

I tried out my first aLttP Randomizer seed!  I wasn't using the beginner mode, just did a normal open mode seed.  It actually ended up being a somewhat annoying seed, as I think it forced you to go to Turtle Rock twice, but regardless, it was a good experience trying to get more familiar with all of the different item locations and dungeons and all.  I'll look forward to trying more of this in the future...

I've finally gotten around to getting some spice organizers and racks for the kitchen!  Spices have previously just all been thrown in a cabinet in some non-organized fashion which makes them hard to access at times -- I've now got some countertop / fridge mounted racks to put stuff in, which not only makes the spices more accessible but also frees up the cabinet space, which will allow me to organize some of that stuff better.  Yay!

We are hoping for a Feb 22 Spring JaSmix date -- fingers crossed that everything works out there.  I'll also be DJing at FNW on Jan 24th -- been working out the setlist for that recently.

Xmas present and gifting is officially mission complete -- everything got delivered and mailed out as far as I know.  Excellent and let's go again next year!  I'll be enjoying the brief respite from letter writing in the beginning of the year.

Practiced some partner dance stuff.  Although my main struggles with dance have been socially and emotionally, I felt the need to work on stuff, and ended up working out a couple of various things, which was quite nice.

Thanks to a nice set of contact poi that was gifted to me for xmas, I'm now getting back into spinning!  It's actually been really satisfying getting a better handle on the momentum and control of the poi, especially now that I've got a set that has a bit more weight to it as compared with glowstringing.  I've still got much to learn, of course, but with the advent of super-helpful poi videos online and other learning resources, it no longer feels as much like hitting a brick wall when trying to learn various moves.

A bit hard to believe that I'll be back at work in just a couple of days, but it's an easier pill to swallow knowing that I don't actually have to go anywhere (not to mention it'll be a short week).  I'm beginning to realize the importance of having something, anything to look forward to when it comes to work, even if it's something really silly.

Overall I've gotten a good bunch of things done, including the aforementioned xmas gifts, some music releases (ringtones), and a bit of cleaning and such too.  I got a new external HD as well as a new SSD, and have migrated over to the new SSD (pretty seamlessly), as well as set up backups of external #1 to external #2, so none of my data has a single failure point anymore, yay!  I'll finish up the FNW playlist and try to get one or two more things done (album art for Remixes - Volume 2?)...it'd be nice if I could get around to a few other things too, like the 4-wide trainer or even an Unlock Everything update, but we'll have to see, some of those might still be left on the table.  Maybe at the very least I can play through the final chapter of Celeste...?

Don't ever let go
even if there's nothing left to hold onto

A Link to the Past

I make a wish, send a star, and pray,

I listen, share, and feel,

But can we ever truly understand each other's suffering?

I've finished A Link to the Past!

I was looking forward to this one for quite some time -- it's a bit of a crime, really, that I don't remember having fully gone through this game, though I do certainly remember all of it.  It's one of those numerous games that I played during the golden ages -- during my elementary school times, when we literally had three or four boxes full of NES and SNES cartridges for us to pick from.  You could call me spoiled, but having access to all of those titles really had a big impact on me.  Unfortunately I was also younger at the time, and as such was less mature both in terms of my gaming prowess as well as my diligence, so a great deal of these games I may not have actually played through all of the way.  Even the ones that I didn't, though, I usually had watched my brother play through.

It's refreshing to finally go back to these beloved classics, though it's debatable whether I should really call it "going back", as you really could argue that I've never left this era at all.

Anyways, Link to the Past was really fun!  I think there's an obvious comparison to be drawn between Link to the Past and Link's Awakening and I think in this regard everyone has their own preferences.  Link's Awakening probably sticks out as a favorite to a multitude of people (though it's completely overshadowed by people's love of Breath of the Wild, Ocarina of Time, and Wind Waker), but it's really hard for me to enjoy anything more than a proper SNES game.

Zelda games have an interesting challenge of trying to toe the line between complexity and momentum -- dungeon and world designs need to be interesting enough to actually make you think and explore, yet if they're too complex it leads to a feeling of being overwhelmed and losing your inertia.  It's been a while since I last played Link's Awakening, but I think this is one of the main points that I think ought to be compared between the two games.

I found the dungeons in LttP to be...quite refreshing, actually!  It actually hit a pretty sweet spot for me where I needed to spend some time revisiting/scouring some areas in search of something that I missed, but in the end was always able to get through things after enough effort and diligence.  There definitely weren't as many unique puzzly mechanics compared to the dungeons in Link's Awakening (remember carrying around the ball all around Eagle's Tower???), but I think the dungeon layouts themselves were a little more "satisfying".  I think a big part of this is actually just due to the simple fact that because there's more screen real-estate, you get these bigger rooms and longer corridors with a lot more visual and spatial differences compared to each other, whereas in Link's Awakening ALL of the rooms are the same size and shape.

You also get these large "hub" rooms, as well as rooms that have both a foreground and a background, which provide a lot more interest in terms of parsing them.  I quite enjoyed this aspect.

The overworld, as well, feels a lot more open and bigger (which it is), and I'd echo much the same sentiment about the freedom of navigating the space -- again due to the fact that you don't just have a fixed camera, but rather have screens that pan around.  Everything feels a lot more open, a lot more cinematic, which of course all makes sense.  It's a landscape rather than a small jigsaw puzzle.

The dark world / light world aspect of the game was actually pretty cool, and I found myself picking up on a lot more of the environmental clues hidden around in various places of the overworld than my 10-year-old self.

In the end I think a lot of it is going to come down to preference.  I watched a pretty good video comparing Oracle of Ages vs Oracle of Seasons and it seems like despite these two being "sister" games there is a ton of difference between the focus of each one -- with Ages being puzzle-focused, and Seasons being action-focused.  The dungeons in Link's Awakening I think (?) require you to keep track of a lot more things at once -- in general I found them to be much more mentally taxing.  In LttP the dungeons are more interesting to =explore=, but they're also simpler to actually get through and navigate for the most part.  Again, I think a big part of this is simply due to the room design -- what would be a single room in LttP could get split into 4, or even 6 rooms in Link's Awakening.  There's all of these different rooms everywhere so traversing the entire dungeon just takes longer and you need to remember many more areas in your mental map.  I think this is why in LttP I found myself rarely ever bringing up the actual dungeon map, but in Link's Awakening I remember using it all the time!  So the pacing is a lot different here.

In the end I think I can say what we all knew already -- LttP is probably still #1 in my heart.

Now that I've finished the game proper, this also opens up the whole door of.....Lttp randomizer!!!  We'll see if I start diving into that world....

I got myself some ballet slippers!  I'm not sure how often I will actually end up using them, but I'd like to give them a try, as they just...have a different aesthetic that I enjoy.

That's all for now really, this post was mainly a celebration of LttP :)  It really wasn't any less enjoyable despite the fact that I'm already somewhat familiar with all of it.

It's pretty amazing...that some people can become strong, by following in the footsteps of others.

It might seem easier, to know the path to walk.  But I feel that it takes more courage.

It's ok to not have that courage.  As long as you find a way.

Xmas letters 2019:

I've got all of my mailing done!  Super on top of things this year.  I've got a couple of family presents left to find but other than that just have to coordinate with a few people to do in-person deliveries.  I don't even have to really make any big Santa runs this year.  Woo!

It helps a lot when your gifts can just fit inside envelopes, makes things super convenient

It's difficult to properly explain the concept of Meowmie.  It's not just cute things, nor is it just awkward things, nor is it just silly things.  Not all meowmie things are cats, though most cats are meowmie.  Meowmie is something pure and innocent, but meowmie is not childhood either.  Meowmie is different than kawaii.  Neither Hello Kitty, nor Pusheen, are very meowmie.  Perhaps the best example that exists of meowmie, is Michiri Neko March.  But there are different facets to meowmie as well.

Regardless of all of that, meowmie is very important to me.  It is one thing that I can believe in when confronted with the darkness that exists in this world.

12/9 -- Rest in peace Meowmie.  You were really fat and awkward.  And really fat.  Above all, you were very meowmie.  You have not been with us for quite some time, but Meowmie lives on as a way of life.

I've been around people a LOT these past few days...there are only like 2 people in the world that I can be around and actually still recharge my social energy and I was definitely with many many more people than that.

Today, I'm going to spend the entire day ALONE woooooooooooooooooooo

Part of the reason I write in a public blog at all is because I think it's important to validate human existence, experience, and struggles, and that validation is not something I see much of in our social media spaces.  Reading about other people's struggles in high school, however petty, vague, or mysterious they might have been, helped me feel that I was not alone.  It's only natural that I feel the need to continue that on.  If not to set an example, then at least to pay it forward.

That said, it's time that I say a little something more concrete about dance.

Let me start by saying this: If you are one of those people who backs away from dancing because you aren't good enough, then let me tell you what I've learned after 10 years: there is no such thing as "good enough".  The real reason behind doubting yourself is simply being afraid.  Afraid of being vulnerable, of not performing to a partner's expectations, of not doing the right thing.  There's nothing wrong with that at all, but don't fool yourself into thinking that it's a problem that will go away "once you're better".

The more I've practiced, the more I realize my own flaws.  And believe me, it is very difficult to work on the things that you aren't good at.  It's easy to practice what you're good at.  It's hard to put the work into things that you struggle with, things that you aren't already comfortable and confident in.  It's one of the reasons why many dancers struggle to pick up a different role once they've already become comfortable in one.  And yes, after 10 years of dancing, I still have many things that I have shied away from.

I bring this up because I've been struggling with an issue lately where every time I go to a dance event, I see people socializing, having fun, and putting themselves out there, and every time that happens I am torn between two feelings: a feeling that I am wholly inadequate at my inability to be vulnerable and outgoing, and a feeling that I should stay back and not even try to be that way.

But if I've learned anything over the past couple of years, it's that I can only start to approach this feeling of inadequacy after accepting that it's just fine if I decide not to grow at all, too.  I must accept myself, and feel comfortable in my own skin, before I start to look towards growth.  But it's been hard lately, and that is part of the reason that I've started to think about Sayuri again.  Because Sayuri never doubted herself, or who she wanted to be.  She never needed to change, because she understood that who she was was already beautiful, and she only needed to be herself -- nothing more.

It's been hard to accept myself, when I see how much better other people are.  Not in the way that they dance, but in the fact that they DO dance.  I never used to care so much about how I made other people felt.  But I'm no longer ignorant, and I feel a heavy responsibility now to be more confident, even though no one ever asked me to.

In my college years, and even afterwards, I often used to ask myself, "What would Timm[ie] do?".  The Timm[ie] of my high school days, who knew so strongly what defined himself, and the standards he held himself to.  But I find myself now asking, "What would Sayuri do?".

Sayuri's confidence, I think, came from a different place than what I see from others on the dance floor.  It is a different kind of confidence, once that is not outward, but inward...a calm feeling of peace.  And as I think about this, I realize that this...this, is really what I am searching for.  Not to be like anyone else that I see, but to be warm, polite, and welcoming in a way that only I know.  I, and Sayuri herself.

For much of my life, the path forward to success looked different than what I was told.  I was told to be assertive, confident, talkative.  I was told to move on, to let go of the past.  I was told to give up on old friends.  I was told that I should not wear certain clothes, and that I should not behave in certain ways.  But it was only through finding my own path that I was able to find my own strength.

It's selfish, maybe even egotistical, but I sometimes hope that if I become strong, I will be able to serve as an example for others to learn from.  To show people, that strength and beauty can take more than one form.

Contra 3, completed

Mission accomplished.  I finished Contra 3: The Alien Wars (SNES), 1-player mode, on Hard difficulty.  This took a way shorter time than I expected, after spending some time learning through the various levels.  I actually cleared stages 1 and 2 without losing a single life, and almost did the entire thing without any continues!  Unfortunately, I died on the VERY last section (escaping while on the helicopter) as I only had 2 lives and did a silly messup, and didn't have much practice against that boss besides.  (It's not a particularly hard fight, I just brain-farted).  It took me 2 more continues to get through that stage with a decent weapon/setup but it honestly wasn't too hard.

Anyways, feeling pretty accomplished, having finished both this and Super Punch Out as well as having finished my Super Metroid RBO run.  The next SNES game I'll play is going to be A Link to the Past.  I've never fully properly played this one (only bits and pieces) so I'm actually extremely excited about it!



This is probably not going to be found by anybody relevant, but some assorted tips and tricks on the off-chance that you happen to try playing through Contra 3:

GENERAL:
- The Crusher missiles (C) are amazing weapons, most of the bosses become exponentially easier if you've got one or two on hand.

- Learn to weapon-switch and fire both weapons by spamming X, this increases your DPS by a ton, especially with weapons like the Crusher missiles.  This is a bit awkward to manage with just your thumb, so at many points I actually used a claw grip instead.

- Don't be afraid to use bombs for any sections where you think they might help, or where you anticipate losing a life.  You have a lot of lives to throw around, you may as well get the most out of the free bomb you get with each one.

- You can stand in place while aiming diagonally by holding R.

Level 1:
- Pretty easy for the most part, but you need to be surprisingly careful through the initial section.  Move forward very slowly, especially at the parts with the dogs, as if you run forward too fast you'll trigger a bunch of enemies at once.  Don't be afraid to bomb through these parts, you get a TON of bombs in this level.
- Stay way back on the first fire section, the fireballs can randomly shoot out pretty far and kill you.
- For the boss, spam double C missiles and use your bombs.  Be ready to jump over the small shot that he fires at you.

Level 2:
- You can hit enemies through barricades using the C missiles (yep, best weapon in the game.....)
- The "objective" things have different conditions for "opening up" to be hit.  One of them only opens when you're facing away from it.  One only opens when you let go of fire.
- I haven't figured out how to consistently avoid the boss's spinning, but it's not really that big of a deal, you'll at most lose a life or two.  You should feel free to use up your bombs on the boss, you won't need any for a while anyways.

Level 3:
- This level really requires practice.  The gunner guys in the first half are bound to kill you unless you know ahead of time where they are, so be sure to memorize where they spawn.
- The helicopter/drill miniboss thing is annoying to fight without C missiles, but shouldn't be that dangerous, just play it safe.  When it dies, be sure to jump off as soon as you can and keep jumping, you can randomly get snagged and die off of the bottom of the screen.
- Right after that, stay to the right side of the screen and shoot diagonally down+left to hit 3 missiles, then move left and jump up, and get ready to collect the C missile drop.
- For the boring autoscrolling wall climb section, just climb up as far as possible every time he takes a step, and avoid the missiles.  Don't try to shoot them down, it'll just distract you (and slow the game down).
- The wall-mounted drill boss is REALLY annoying, you have to practice this a number of times in order to get a feel for the rhythm of drawing him up and then dodging down.  Definitely watch some videos of this in action, and make sure to climb ALL the way up or down when dodging, as if you don't it will still kill you.
- After that, feel free to use a bomb to kill the 3 shooting enemies.  You can kill them without if you take them out one by one, but it's probably safer to just use a bomb.
- For the part with all the turrets, remember that the doorways spawn 4 enemies at a time before pausing.  There's one or two parts here where bombing is pretty useful as there are a bunch of turrets.
- For the two cyborg boss guys, hopefully you have two C missiles (if not, bomb for more DPS) -- best strategy is just to hang on the ceiling and fire away at them, but try to not be directly above either of them, because they can jump up on the ceiling.  If they do jump up, try to kill them as fast as possible.
- For the big guy in the wall, I like to start at the =bottom= of the room and go counter-clockwise.  This gives you enough time to dodge the lasers and be "in time" to catch the rotation of the flame.  You want to be RIGHT BEHIND the flame beam when it starts, otherwise you won't make it around.

Level 4:
- The trick for the first section is that the bikes that are flat (not tilted) are the ones will drop bombs.  So just stay in the back half of the stage, ignore the shooting ones, and jump over the bombs.
- Feel free to use bombs through any section that gives you issues here, like the gray dude miniboss that climbs all over the place.  Better to use a bomb and keep a good weapon than to die and lose it.
- The end boss where you're hanging onto the missiles -- use up all your bombs.  If nothing else, you'll kill it that way.

Level 5:
- I like to start at the top left here, as even if I have no weapons, it's easy to kill that objective right away to get the C missiles.
- In general just proceed carefully and take your time.  Don't try to actually cross any of the bridges as they all explode.
- For the swirly sand, you need to DOUBLE TAP the L button to spin faster against the spin direction.
- Against the boss, you really want to have double Cs if at all possible, it really really counts against this one.  Spam both of them, but be careful not to go too close, as if you do you could accidentally move into it when the sand starts moving.
- Again, when the stand starts moving, you need to double-tap the L button to keep up the rotation.
- If you lose your weapons, you can probably try to kill the arm thing to pick up another one (??)

Level 6:
- After the very first miniboss, in the run and gun section with the shooting segments inside the wall, I'd recommend using a bomb, it's easy to die there and it makes things a lot easier.
- For the infinitely-spawning-facehuggers boss, use a bomb and try to gun down the pods quickly.  If you gun down the bottom two pods quickly, life will be a lot easier, as you'll only have to worry about dodging/shooting the bugs that jump down from the ceiling (from the back egg).  If you only have the machinegun, use bombs, and hold R to aim diagonally upwards without moving.
- For the boss that charges at you, bomb and unload into his face, but as you're dodging all of the falling bullets, be ready to jump over the beam that he shoots.  He shoots it pretty much at the end of all the falling bullets, so don't get caught off guard!
- After that you get one C missile -- do NOT lose this.
- For the gargoyle boss, just be sure not to die with your c missile selected.  Deaths are fine, using bombs for his first phase is completely ok.  Just do not die with c missile selected.  Keep your weapon!  For his second (teleporting) phase, just make sure you always move after he teleports, it's easy to dodge.
- For the boss with the two heads, kill one side's head as fast as possible.  For the other one, if it does the long reaching pattern, you can jump to force it to arc around you.  Otherwise this part shouldn't be that hard.  Feel free to use bombs if you ever get in a tight spot, as you won't really need them that much against the next section.
- For the brain boss, learn the "safe spot" trick with the 3-section rock tumbling variation and always aim to get that one.  It lets you easily unload a ton of damage into him safely by crouching with your face right up next to the brain.
- If you miss that variation and get one of the adjacent ones, they are both pretty harmless too.  One of them you get surrounded by balls which you just need to shoot down (use a bomb if you have no good weapons).  For the other one you just need to dodge the brain's orbiting projectiles (easy) while shooting.  If you kill all of the projectiles, you don't need to dodge at all.
- Obvious, but for the final escape, use your bombs!  Be sure to avoid accidentally jumping down to your death while trying to aim downwards.  If this section of the fight goes long, you'll have to dodge not only his ram attacks, but his left and right arm sweeps as well.