The discontent wells up within me.  I always knew that the world was a harsh place.  You didn't need to lie to me to make me feel better.

I randomly watched the 5/6-episode Korean reality show "MBTI Inside" which was kind of a fun watch.  Honestly I donno if it was the most well executed; I think it started out a little messy and slow.  But it had some funny / nice moments, and ISFJ girl was so easy to identify with and root for, she was just, perfect and I was so happy that she represented a lot of what I realized I'm very happy with and proud of in terms of my persona, or at least one part of it.

I've had some trouble sleeping on certain nights here and there and I realize that...it's because of sadness.  Plain and simple, no real way around it.  There's a little bit of nervousness too -- my live session for the ALTTPR Mentor Tournament is coming up, so there's that, but I put a LOT of work into preparing for it, so at this point I'm sure it'll be fine.

But no, more than that it's the sadness and frustration with life I guess.  The feeling that I deserve better, and the sting that comes with a realization that nobody truly "gets it".  There were times in the past when I wondered whether I really belonged to this world.  Or whether I was born to the wrong place, the wrong plane of existence.  Perhaps I was meant to be of the moon people, who experience no suffering, no pain.  Heh, somehow, I really don't think so, though.

Maybe I'm meant to just stay in the tower forever.  The girl left the tower.  I talked about this recently, with the creator of that world.  About why the girl needed to leave the tower.  Why she couldn't just stay.

I understood, of course, both ways.  Why she can't leave, but also why she has to leave.  She has to leave, because otherwise *her* "light" would go out, too.  That she could not stay forever, because, as you wrote, she, too, wished to be with the stars.  And she could never be with the stars if she stayed in the tower.

She spent her whole life in the tower wishing for something else.  Is that the fate of my existence, too?  To stay in my own tower, visited by these stars that illuminate my life, who say that they will return, but they never do.

The girl left the tower because she was changed by the star.  But what if the girl jumped from the tower because the star never came back?

What, of me?  Do I need to leave my life behind, in order to be where I want?  That...is ridiculous.  How could that possibly, possibly, ever be true.  You could ask me to leave my own tower, to come be with the stars that I always wanted to be with, but I would refuse every time.  You would ask me to give up my self to reach what I want.  Ridiculous.

"You won't be lost anymore", you said.  And then left me in the dark like all of the others.  It's okay, though.  I knew the steps back to my home by heart.

Home.................

I'll stay.  I'll stay, in my tower.  The world outside can try its hardest, but it won't change what I know is right.  What I've been fighting for, all this time.  It's not a war, or a battle that I've been fighting.  Not anything glorious like that.

Just, not giving up on myself.

I guess maybe I shouldn't blame her.  Maybe she gave up, or maybe she ascended.  Who can say, really?  But she always wanted to be with the stars.  It was her destiny, to leave someday.

Mine, though?  That's not my destiny.

My destiny is to stay.