Back to the Band Room (2024)

Things are better.  There are ups and downs, and usually that isn't super ideal, but when there's more ups than downs, we take it.

I didn't really manage to catch up on Rhythm Quest and letter-writing work these past 1-2 weeks, so that's sort of borrowed time that I'm attempting to try and see if I can pay back.  I started on it in earnest today, which was a good start.  What I'm working on right now is a big refactor of the song browser, so in that sense it's a little difficult to chunk down into really small work units, but at the same time, it's not super creatively challenging, even though there are some interesting UI decisions to be made.  It's not the most difficult thing to work on, which is good.

Letter-writing has sort of had to be shelved for the past week as I've been busy with activities and such, and I didn't make it out to Teance either, but there were some outings and such that went nicely, and even a new friend made, or well, not completely new, but you know what I mean.  I don't really make a big point of keeping my "Awesome List" around anymore, but in that vein or spirit of thinking, the people that I've connected with have mostly just stayed at a distance.  Rarely, maybe one person will just gradually squeak in, after our relationship develops more.  But it's been a long time since the last time that someone so definitely just made it in.  It's a cool feeling.

In other news...after having missed it last year, I made it back to the Band Room this year for the kids' last rehearsal.  I feel like with every passing year I see that group change more and more.  Not necessarily a bad thing, not at all, but it's just interesting to see the changes go by.  It had already been a while since they replaced Senior 8s and 8s with the "Seniors-only" performance, but now there's even a Senior "roll call" walk out of sorts, each one with their own "entourage" (usually family members).  I have some interesting thoughts about all of it -- about how some things are probably better, but also about how it misses out on some other elements of the old experience.  I feel like hardly anyone has the full context to really understand it though, so I'll try and keep it more on the brief side.

I think senior 8s and 8s was more of an "experience".  It's a simple exercise, but it's also the one that sticks with you the most through Marching Band.  I think it's really apt to mark both your "coming of age" as well as the passing of the torch to everyone else.  The senior-only runthrough is definitely it's own sort of special thing -- memorable, sort of funny, kind of impressive as well.  It's a little more about the show.  But it's less about a connection between the seniors and the rest of the underclassmen.  I think both are good, although the structure of the night itself probably runs a little better now.

The whole senior entourage thing, that's interesting.  I think for the most part it's great.  I think for many kids Marching Band is unique, or at the very least rare, in being a community where you find a sort of belonging, or at least a desire to both be part of a greater whole but also to be recognized as an individual amongst your peers and the people you care about.  Getting to leave some words to the rest of your mates is nice...I'm not sure if they still do "senior speeches" after the fat lady sings, but I know there were past years when that has not actually gone super well, so maybe this structure is a better way to achieve the same thing.

It was cool seeing how supportive and tight-knit everyone was there.  Of course, in actuality I have no frickin clue what these kids' experience is =really= like.  I'm a complete outsider at this point and I'm sure everything is really different.  But from the outside, at least, the energy feels different.  It made me wonder how much of that was due to the program itself changing, and how much of that was due to just the individual people (me) being different.  Of course, I think it's both.  But I really have to say, I think the former seemed like it played a huge deal.  I'm sure with these kids, too, there are cliques, people who care more and people who care less, troublemakers, mediocre performers, you name it.  But seeing everyone cheering for each other and really getting together as a unit, it really felt qualitatively different.  Hah, talking about it honestly makes me jealous.

Of course, there are other relevant differences, too.  They're significantly smaller than we were, that's quite undeniable.  I guess covid-times will do that, although even in 2019 when I visited they were a bit smaller, I think?  But anyways, one marching snare, one marching tenor?  To just give you a sense of things proportionally.  It made the show a little less impressive, of course.  They still had cool and fun moments, but you don't really get the same experience as a small group, and even =we= were small to begin with.  I'd like to say that we executed better too, but...well, that's hard to say.  There's always such a range of people, and when I say "we" it doesn't even refer to a single group.  But anyways, maybe it's not a bad thing that they're smaller.  Maybe it helps.  Maybe these kids just have less emotional turmoil going on.  Maybe they don't have to dissociate and stay hypervigilant all the time.  Maybe it feels like they've got each others' backs.

It makes me think back on my years and how things ended up the way they did.  I learned a lot through those years, and grew really fast.  But there were things I never had the chance to learn, either.  It just wasn't in the cards, or even the deck, at the time.  That's okay though.  It just wasn't the right time, or the right people, or the right support, or the right anything.  Those were things to learn at a different point in my life.  At that time, I was learning what it was like to succeed in something despite hardship.  What it was like to be a leader.  To hold responsibility -- even if that responsibility was misplaced and misguided.

Looking back on it, it's hard to see how it could have really turned out otherwise.  I tried really hard in my Junior year.  I think everyone knew how much I cared, even if my personality at the time still had all of its rough edges.  Well, I say that, but maybe not everyone =really= understood.  Maybe I was the only one who really knew back then.  Having walked to school for the first time in the wee hours of the morning, before sunrise, so that I could just practice out on the field and have my own moments there.  For hours, at that.

You know, that whole thing about walking to school at 5 in the morning or whatever, is just so interesting to think about now.  Of course, it was a memorable experience, I think it was really important for me; so much so that my beloved section (who I couldn't really be with the following year) and I had a little session after one of our competitions where we went onto the field in the middle of the night and just did some short exercises, so that we could feel a little bit of that energy, together.  Sure, it was a little awkward, maybe it could have gone better, but it was special, too.  If you ask those people who were there, I'm sure at least some of them would really have it stick out in their mind, over many other things that happened that year.

But more than that, it's just so fitting, isn't it?  That one of my most memorable experiences involved just me, alone out on the field, just me and the grass and the night sky.  That sort of solitude has been vital to my lived experience, and I keep finding that time and time again wherever I go.  Whether it's practicing taichi by myself, or walking outside of Roble to spend a few seconds gazing at the moon outside of the social dance floor.  There is something really important about being alone for me.

And, of course, it's also funny because when I was about to call it for that session, before people actually started showing up for school, I tried to do a runthrough or two of the show by myself.  Of course, it's like terribly hard to do that without any visual references or anything, so it was a bit awkward, but that was an interesting little experiment, too.

That whole shindig (I haven't really thought about it for years now) sprung out of feeling upset at how poorly the previous night had gone.  It taught me that from adversity I can just fight and try harder and turn it into something great.  I guess I sort of took that attitude into my senior year, too.  I pushed through all of the struggles and tried to pay no heed to the stuff that was getting in my way.  No, our band during my senior year wasn't as good as it was during my junior year.  I can't make magic happen, ha ha.  But I was respected, and I made a difference to some people, at least.  That much, I know.

But it's been a while since I've had that attitude of turning adversity into greatness.  I...don't really want that for myself anymore.  I prioritize comfort too much for that, and that is...My Way. (pardon the pun)  I feel more ready than ever to achieve, when...it's not a big deal.  When it's not something I have to do.  When I don't feel pressure.  There is a whole post I could do (again) on selective mutism, but I'll save it.

I already knew, going into my senior year, that if I wanted to be drum major, I would be.  It was just up to me to decide whether that was right for me.  I didn't realize just how much I'd be giving up in that moment.  I mean, I knew I wouldn't get to march, and I knew that was a big deal.  I guess I knew it would be tough, too.  Ah, maybe I honestly did realize how much I would be giving up.  But someone had to do it, no?  When I walked into the room and the other two candidates were J.F. and I. (um...sorry, don't actually remember his last name lol), it was kind of like "oh...so it's like this, then.  I guess we all sort of already know, then."

Maybe it should have been the two clarinet players.  I mean, the one who had the most "know" was our trumpet player, but there was no way in hell that was happening.  But I guess our clarinets didn't want to do it, either.  You can't just make someone do it.  But it's interesting to think back about it now.  Would things have turned out better, if it was them, instead of me and J.F.?  Back then, it took a long, long time for my big ego about being drum major to settle down and for me to see that I did both well and not so well.  Would things have been better for me if it was them?  Would things be better for me if it was J.F.?

I guess it's useless to think about.  It was the right time for me.  I think everyone else knew it, too.  I just wonder if them two would have been able to do better at it in some ways.  Or heck, maybe if it was just me and her.  Maybe I would have felt like we could have been a team?  Maybe not, though.  I probably just sucked at working with others at that point.  Like I said, it just wasn't in the cards.

I think this year was the first year where I went back and there was just nobody else.  Before it was two of the staff members who had been around (one of them had just started staffing when I was around, the other was a freshman...).  But no more...it was just me.  I mean, it's not really surprising; it's been 18 years after all.  Still, there was someone who at least remembered, when I sent a message to them.  They said they missed it.  It was interesting for me to hear.  Do I miss it?  Like......kinda.  Haha.  It's honestly closer to a no than a yes.  I miss being connected to many of the people, for sure.  I guess there are things that are really nice about the actual act of practicing and performing, too.  A real shame that that had to be stripped away during my senior year.  At least I got to play, haha.  But like, is it an activity I'd want to do with my current time?  Definitely closer to no than yes.  But it's all contextual anyways...it doesn't really matter.

It is interesting, though.  I keep writing about how I've been moving on from things more easily now, and I think that's actually true.  But I still keep these things from 18 years ago in my life in some way, too.  I move on and I don't.  In a good way, though.

Life has been hard.  As I reflect upon how I've felt these past weeks I give a silent thanks to the forces in my life that have helped to uplift me during these times.  It's not always the same things every time, or even the same people.

I started playing some Super Metroid map randomizer and that has actually been quite enjoyable!  The seeds are pretty okay in length -- shorter than your average ALTTPR open seed usually, and I'm sure it'll get shorter still if I actually get better at playing these.  It's been something nice to look forward to here and there.

Miraculously, I managed to install some third-party lithium ion batteries in my Cycle7.  Still honestly a bit astounded that I managed to get that all working.  It's not ideal -- the batteries have a lot less life (and are much smaller to boot), and we'll have to see whether that ends up being an issue or not (I mean, worst case I guess I just say to hell with it and just live with using it wired most of the time), but I feel quite accomplished, having sourced the batteries, ordered a JST connector set, and jankily crimping the wires by myself (despite them being too large for the 1.0mm JST connector, jeez leweez).  I'm actually driving using my Evo80 for the time being, but will probably switch back onto the Cycle7 soonish.  Really enjoying the sounds of this Evo80 as a nice contrast though!

Like I said, it's been a little rough lately, but I had some time during my drive today to reflect on exactly what I've been feeling and thoughts on how exactly I might move forward and approach it from here on out.

Comfort has always been something that I've talked about, and there was a long, long (too long) period of my life where comfort was simply not an option.  =Safety=, in the emotional sense, was not even something that seemed like it was on the table.  So I had to settle for resilience.

I felt a little bit of that, this past week.  I really didn't recognize it at first!  I thought I was just stressed out, anxious about not having done enough work or something.  I mean, it was true that I was having trouble focusing, and feeling more drained, and certainly a lot more uneasy than usual.  But it wasn't just because I had been being lazy.  No, it was simply because I had already used up all of my batteries on my emotions, on second-guessing myself, on things like these.  I've heard about this sort of thing before -- how for example, maintaining a facade exerts mental energy and thus runs out your metaphorical "battery" before it can really be used for other things.

Thinking back on it I'm struggling to understand how I was ever even remotely functional during those earlier years.  I was stressed out and anxious and neurotic all the time, wasn't I?  How is it that I managed to get anything done, sheesh?  I can't even imagine.  I guess human beings are terribly resilient creatures.

I'm not really certain I understand what is "home" for me, besides vague feelings and associations I have with it.  White peony tea, I guess.  Letter writing, and something about feeling like I don't have to change if I don't want to.  Sometimes I feel like I've really drifted so far from what I thought was true.  I'm no longer forever searching for Kiki among the stars.  Have changed some things about who I want to be.  "Is it really still me?"

And yet, today, when I stood on the edge of the dancefloor, in between moments of connecting with people, in between all of the undertones of considering how I should or should not act, in between the times when I watched the other people dancing, in between my realization that "hey, maybe there's not actually that many people here who really know how to connect well in a dance".

In between all of that, I looked up and I stared at the dim light hanging from the ceiling, and for a moment I was back.  I was outside Roble Gym, staring at the night sky above the grassy field, while behind me the hubbub of the dance continued inside.  I was in the courtyard, listening to the sound of the fountain.  I was on my high school field in the dim hours of night before the sun rose.

It's not that I'm the only one who has these experiences, or bothers to look at these things.  That's not the point at all.  It's simply that for these moments, I feel close to understanding who I am, because in those moments, I am alone, in my own space.  Not tied to anyone, nor beholden to any way of being.  There is a sadness in being by yourself, but there is also a comfort in it.  I wouldn't be able to give it up.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to", I told myself today.

This weekend was kind of a varied one, actually.  I started things off by waking up uncharacteristically early in order to go to the Morning Flow event at Teance, which I enjoyed!  We had three different tastings at the event -- a White Peony (white), Shan Lin Xi "Hot Fire Fir" (oolong), and Baochong (oolong).  It probably goes without saying that the white peony was my favorite -- yes, I =have= been dabbling here and there in other teas, but...I can say with certainty that so far none of them are a "me" tea, unsurprisingly.  I can certainly see why a lot of people enjoy oolong tea, but it's just...not what I need.

It goes a little further than that for this set of teas, actually, as white peony is something that I have some special sentimental attachement toward, being the first white tea that I ever purchased or even came into contact with.  As such, the grassy yet gentle taste of it really brings me back and reminds me of an earlier time -- which of course is a strong experience for me.  I really took in those moments enjoying that tea, and the whole while after we had sampled the two oolong teas I was waiting patiently for my chance to "return home" to that white peony.

Today was a little different as I woke up uncharacteristically =late= and ended up skipping lunch -- this is with the DST time change, too.  But it was a really nice day, as I spent the entire afternoon enjoying a different white tea (aged, compressed) that I had gotten from Teance prior.  I really took my time with this one; must have steeped it countless times, and of course it stayed consistent and true throughout (there is a reason I'm drawn to these teas), while I worked through not one but two different Christmas letters (including finishing a longer one, yay).  I wrote in my letter a bit, about my relation to the white teas, as well as how the difference between the white peony and the fuding baicha reflected some changes that had happened in my life over that time period.

I didn't end up playing any DDR or doing any dancing this weekend -- will have to get back on that train this coming week -- but like I said, things were relatively varied, in a good way.  I mentioned that I had been working on Rhythm Quest a good bit, and I was eager to take a step back...although I had a couple of bugfixes that needed to happen before that.  I not only enjoyed my weekly ALTTPR seed (took the first place time, let's gooo), but even hopped on for some unranked melee randomly, which wasn't terrible, though somehow I found the stuttering/lag to be more bothersome than I remember it being.  Was it just my imagination or did something particular with my setup get worse?  Hard to say, but it certainly felt like something was amiss -- emu was reporting 60FPS and even when I had a low ping connection with my opponent it still didn't feel great.  Not really worth digging into further though, as I've already shelved that controller; melee and netplay is just something I'm not keen to spend too much time on.

I finished up that round of cleanup and reorg for my room!  There's still more that can be done of course, especially with my keyboard switches and keycaps and such, but that'll do for now.  I even have extra free space in one of my drawers when all is said in done, which is a nice feeling.  It doesn't feel great that I still have a bunch of stuff that I realistically don't really need...but at the same time, at the very least I've gotten more of that stuff organized into nice compartments instead of just sprawled out into random messes of drawers.

I've been typing on the Evo80 for a while, but just now switched back over to the Cycle7, which is newly outfitted with all new parts!  I've put in the WS POM+ switches (appreciating them so far!), and currently going =without= plate foam, which is a changeup from before where I was using it.  More notably, I'm using my new stabilizer set (Typeplus x YIKB stabilizers) and they are working fantastically so far; I didn't try to rebalance the wires or anything, just carefully assembled them as well as put some light lubrication on and there's no ticking or rattling sounds thus far at all.  Might have to grab another batch of these later for my Neo80...

I'm also using a new PCB in my Cycle7, this one supporting wireless connectivity!  Though, in a somewhat noob-ish mistake, I forgot that my Cycle7 model didn't come with batteries, so I still need the USB-C connector to provide power, oops.  I'll see if I can get some batteries separately...[blush]

I mentioned last time that I have an opportunity to teach something at dancebreak and it seems like there might be some opportunity for me to help with or even help host some things at Teance as well.  Of course, the initial part of me approches these with a healthy dose of reservation -- I want to be certain of things before I commit my efforts -- but at the same time, I think I'm actually at a spot in my life where I'm sort of welcoming something like this, especially at Teance where I've been feeling a good energy.

Cooking wise, I've been feeling like I've been putting off a few things too much actually, haha.  I keep on meaning to make a soy reduction sauce but I never find time for it, and then I'm overdue on an attempt at a poke bowl (which is why I'm supposed to make the soy reduction...).  Well, I just move the arctic char fillet from the freezer to the fridge, so it'll have to happen without the sauce I guess.  Which is fine, maybe I can just whip up some sort of mayo-soy aoili or something.  And then I keep on putting off making cornbread as well.  Ah, come to think of it, my knives -- or two of them at least -- need resharpening as well.  Well, we'll see what I can do with this coming week.  It's always just one step at a time, right?  Need to start think about xmas gifts too as I try to commit time toward finishing all of these letters...

Something keeps me coming back to thinking about Kanon every once in a while.  It's not got the depth that Madoka does, or the musings about life that Rain World triggers in me, or the expansive web that Outer Wilds does, but it's got =something=, for sure.  It's not just that Makoto is cute, not just that the atmosphere is pretty, not just that I've thought about it a lot, but I think the combination of all of these things summing together to make more than a whole.  I'll write more about Kanon someday, still, I'm sure.  Perhaps this is an apt time, as we start to go into the colder months.

There is something both comforting and isolating at the same time about the cold.  Perhaps that is a bit of what Kanon captures in its essence.  It's really no surprise that what you might know as an original definitive "wintertime" anime resonates with me, given my preference for the season.  Of course, all of those Key/Kyoani works try to blend together warm comfort with sadness, but somehow it just seems to "fit" into place in a certain nostalgic way in the midst of the winter town in Kanon.  A town that you come back to.  Staying at an aunt's house.  In those scenes with Shiori where we see the light of the fountain and the "bokeh" effects (I hope I'm not just making this up), it's almost dreamlike.  And in those dreams of ours we think about love, loss, loneliness, and warmth.  All of these things.

It's something I'll think about more, I'm sure.

Anyways, I've really been hard at work trying to get a lot of things taken care of!  I didn't end up writing any more of those vote forward letters (didn't do an xmas letter today or yesterday either....), but I spent a great chunk of the day working on Rhythm Quest, which was well-spent.  I've got a new minor release ready to go for tomorrow and then I'll try to spend some time writing up a devlog, although this one will be a little less exciting/snazzy than the others since there's no levels or graphics to show off, just a bunch of fixes and improvements that I feel good about knocking out.

It's been a little bit since my last DDR session so maybe that'll be a thing tomorrow, but then again, tomorrow I might have my hands full between cooking and finishing up the Rhythm Quest stuff, and setting out some treats for the trick-or-treaters.  Might just be a good night to kick back and relax with this week's ALTTPR seed, alongside some letter writing.

I think I could use a little bit of a self-pat on the back, honestly.  Voting is all taken care of, I did some other errands today (groceries...), been cooking every day still, continuing to work on GT basement timings for my ALTTPR site.  Even filed a message to complain to my dental insurance provider who claims that my dentist was out of network even though they were last time?  Well, I'll give that some time, I'll probably get to the bottom of it eventually.

I skipped MCS this week, honestly it didn't even occur to me to go today; I had already been at Dancebreak with the Stanford kids on Monday and I had gone out to Teance to drink/work and after doing my groceries and taking care of dinner I settled in to work on Rhythm Quest and it wasn't until the night was all done that I realized that oh yeah, it is Wednesday, huh.  Well, there was an event at Baba's House that I could have gone to as well, but I think I made the best use of my time.  I don't have to do everything -- that extends to tomorrow as well!  There's a thing happening at Baba's that I could go to, but I get the feeling I'm just gonna want to chill and save my social energy for a potential Teance outing on Saturday.  Fall Ball is already next Friday as well...maybe I'll be skipping MCS again, haha.

I got asked whether I could teach a class at Dancebreak...it's been so long since I taught anything.  I'd be happy to do it; probably not a bad opportunity to both keep that muscle in shape as well as try to at least provide some engagement (if not some actual learnings).  But whether I end up actually having the time and energy to put together a class structure is another question entirely.  I'm loathe to play things by ear when it comes to teaching; it's just really hard to be efficient and not have things drag along if you're not well-prepared.  I'll let it happen if it happens, and not happen if it doesn't happen.  I mean, I'd like to run a full-fledged event sometime as well, but...yeah, same thing there.

Are there more things to do and take care of?  Yeah, sure.  Some more room cleanup, putting together my revamped Cycle7 setup, replacing the chickies' litter...more xmas letters...the Kanon writeups...endless Rhythm Quest work lol, and xmas shopping I guess.  But regardless of how much or how little there still is ahead, I'm doing well.  The sounds of typing on my Evo80 have been satisfying as well :)  Did a clay mask the other day and my skin is even feeling great since then, too!

It's not that I want these times to last forever, or even that I'm worried about making the most of them.  It's just a little sad thinking that they'll someday be gone.

Things are rollllinggg alonnggggg as we reach the end of October.

Before I forget, my wishlist is still pretty much in the same place.  Can be found at https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/8tjiqzmqavizau8q87mis/Profile.txt?rlkey=xkvyrqbnl5gadyjmyxfugqgvr&dl=0

I've been continuing to explore progressive house sounds in OHC -- may spend one more week doing that, or may do something slightly different this week, who knows.  Notably though, I also spent a good chunk of time purchasing a few new soundsets (as alluded to last time), and almost more-importantly, spent some time trying to reorganize my sounds a bit.  I've gone through a few different iterations of trying to get my virtual instruments and samples and everything organized and I'm still not 100% sure what the =best= way is going to be for my workflow, but I'm at least trying something different and seeing how it feels.  There's not really going to be a perfect solution as you always have to give up on something...for example, you can't audition generator plugin sounds from FL Studio's browser (understandably), so if you wanted something like that working you'd have to render your own preview sounds and name them the same and kinda have it working in a hacked-together way.  And there's this weird tradeoff between browsing channel/plugin presets that you've hand-picked out in FL Studio's browser, versus browsing plugin presets within each plugin itself.  And there's pros and cons either way...well, anyways, it's a work in progress.

I hung out at a Teance event and it was really nice!  Shouldn't be a surprise that I'm looking forward to spending some more of my afternoons there when I can.  Recently I've tried a yellow and a green tea from their catalogue, and.....yeah, as expected, they're fine but not really my thing.  Have to have my white tea......

I spent some time at Philz Coffee today writing up another xmas letter, and then came back and sank some quality time into Rhythm Quest, including upgrading to Unity 6 (a.k.a 2023), which went...alright actually, not a ton of stuff broke, and the main thing that was not working was actually just my fault anyways.  And now I finally get to ditch the Unity splash screen (yay...).  The real question is whether this update will end up fixing any of the other random issues (gamepad input not working, but system-specific?).  Bleh.  I'm due for a devlog post for this month; I don't think it'll have anything super exciting but overall the feeling I get is that I'm doing ok on balance with the amount of work that I'm putting in, and really that's all I can ask for.  If I can get one or two more quality days with the project this week (I kind of intend to) then that'll be perfect.

All of the keyboard stuff that I ordered has come in and I'm excited to set aside some time at some point to tinker on all of it! :)  If only those HMX Gachapon switches would come back in stock...(was supposed to be September, then October, now November...).  But anyways, I've got the wireless PCB to put into my Cycle7 (wooooo), plus I will be swapping out the stabilizers for new ones that I bought.  I will probably be lubing those and I miiiiight try to wire-balance them a little bit but I want to err on the conservative side for wire adjustments.

In the meantime my Evo80 came and it's got a lovely sound signature out of the box!  Definitely not regretting that purchase, it's kind of distinct from the rest of my boards and the per-key RGB is actually not too shabby either, uses better firmware than other RGB boards I've seen.  I'm going to be looking forward to spending some time using that as my main board for a bit once I get back home.

I've been continuing (slowly, just here and there) to work on the next big update to my ALTTPR site.  That is going to take a while longer to put together since I'm doing GT basement rooms and there are a billion of them, but I'm learning more and more as I go, which is always nice.

I have a new dance choreo that I might try to learn...really not sure though, I've basically =never= managed to commit and then follow through on learning choreo.  So I'm hesitant on that, but we'll see I guess.

I ended up with 180 letters for this batch of Vote Forward (voter outreach) mailings.  I could try and get that up to 200, but the deadline for mailing is Tuesday and I'm getting back home late Monday night, so it's looking unlikely, despite the fact that I want to.  I probably ought to spend my time on my own personal letters anyhow.  There's always next time, I guess.  Honestly always feels a little sad when there's no vote forward letters at all for me to work on; it's just this really nice thing to do every once in a while.

Some plans got cancelled on me this weekend and honestly it ended up feeling a little silly that I ended up here in the south, but eh, overall I don't think it was too much of a waste, and I'm glad I've managed to get some things done here and there.  I'm feeling ok about things, despite the ever-present pressures and stresses of life (Rhythm Quest...ephemerality...people...etc).  I'm going to have to start thinking about xmas shopping next month in addition to finishing the other half of all the letters [sweat].  It'll also be time to potentially go and visit the MB kids.  I didn't do so last year (maybe even the year before?  I don't remember).  It honestly doesn't feel super keenly important anymore, like do I really need to go in order to connect with that part of my past?  It's not like I am really going to meet the people who once were there, and the ground itself isn't even the same anymore.  But I'm not opposed to it either, at least not yet, so I wouldn't mind another trip over there, as long as I don't have anything else to do.  I thought about inviting Dina to come with, but I really feel like they wouldn't want to, is the sense that I have.

I'd write something about how the important experiences that make up my past end up shifting here and there, but I think that's good enough for today and I may as well save that topic for some letters.

A bit of a hectic day -- there was some meowmie fighting and two big buzzies.  Dinner felt a little hectic but I managed to mostly get things under control.

I also got thrown off because I was trying to fix some thing with my smart lights in my bedroom only to have everything start breaking.  Turns out that I just needed an iOS update to fix the app I was using, but it took me a little longer than I'd like to admit to reach that point.

I didn't make much =visible= progress (i.e. things I can really demo) for Rhythm Quest, but I still spent a really nice chunk of time on it.  I enjoyed it, too, which was refreshing to realize.  Sometimes it just feels like this thing that I keep putting off and it's intimidating and a drag, but then usually when I'm in the thick of it (and not busy fighting the Unity engine...) it's actually pretty satisfying to go and implement new things and just build out the game, even when I'm not making new levels (which is usually really fun too).

Made a bluesky account (well, two, really).  I briefly looked into what it might be like to setup some crossposting, but I still don't think there is a great service that will let me crosspost blog entries (the only thing that really matters most now) across blogger/blogspot, twitter/x, bluesky, and mastodon (rip cohost).  Maybe I could get kinda close if I tried, but for now I'll just do it manually.

I fired off an order for some new switches.  I've been waiting for ages for the HMX gachapon switches to come back in stock (still on backorder...) but I figure I may as well do an initial order -- I'm already set on getting a set of WS POM+ switches (tried them in a switch tester), so I might as well take advantage of free shipping by adding a few 10-packs for testing.  We'll see if I end up liking any of those trial switches -- notably, I got some very light ones, including a featherlight 28g switch (!).  I ordered some better stabilizers as well, hopefully going into my Cycle7, which is my main right now -- or, it would be, except for the messed-up PCB.  I have the spare ready to go, but I figure I might as well at least wait for the new stabs to come in before assembling anything.  I might actually try it without plate foam this time; it just feels like the Cycle7 sounds better without the foamy sound.  I mean, if I want the super-thock foam sound, I have the Evo80 coming at some point, and that will probably satisfy that itch.  The real question is what to do with my Neo80, sound and feel wise...still not 100% sure about that.

Speaking of more ways in which to spend way too much money, THIS beauty just got announced (QK80 Mk2):

I have no reason to buy this save for the fact that it's really cute!  Liking the aesthetic and vibe and it's even got a built-in screen and per-key RGB.  It's even got the ball-and-catch system plus magnetic connector, so that's just awesome.  I...don't think it's really for me, though, given what I already have.  Phew (bank account breathes a sigh of relief...).

The rest of the week was looking a liiitttle dicey thanks to some sickness that may be going around, but so far I'm feeling ok.  I'd love to continue on my Rhythm Quest work momentum tomorrow, but I'm afraid that might not be possible as I've got my eye exam plus maybe trying to make it out to MCS again.

There's another "stories event" at Far Leaves on Thursday but I've resolved to skip this one; too many things going on and I'm going to Teance on Friday anyways.  I also have some stuff going on this weekend....still not certain whether I'll be staying over down south, but it's an option.

I didn't get a letter done today =( We'll try again tomorrow...

It feels good to take care of myself!  I'm calling it a night after what I'd call a pretty decent day.

I didn't do any Rhythm Quest work (going to try and delve into that tomorrow...), but I focused on letter-writing tonight -- took care of no less than =4= letters for xmas, so we're at 13 now which is feeling a a little more reasonable given that there's only a little more than a week left in the month.

Doing a pretty good job with my cooking recently.  Last night was a standard broccoli chicken stir-fry, then for lunch I did some baicai with dried shrimp, but also a small bit of arctic char that I dry-brined overnight.  This is J Kenji-Lopez Alt's recommended dry-brine-overnight-uncovered (on a paper towel) method of pan searing salmon(ish) fillets.  I always have trouble remembering whether the fillet is supposed to be skin-side down or up, but I think it's skin-side up (confirmed after a little bit of internet digging).  It's an interesting technique in that, like salting and "drying" steak in the fridge, sometimes it almost feels like you dry out the surface/exterior a little TOO much.  I know for steaks it can sometimes result in a little bit too much drying out, especially for something like a reverse sear (Helen Rennie comments on this in her reverse sear video).  It's a weird feeling to put your protein onto a hot skillet with oil and then hear essentially no sizzling or sputtering because you've already gotten rid of most of the moisture content on the surface of the thing beforehand.  But I will say, it certainly helps crisp up the skin very nicely, =and= is probably the most foolproof way to avoid sticking when you're using something like a stainless steel skillet (like I did today).  Kenji says that this also helps with an even cook and prevents white albumen from oozing out as much, which anecdotally I'd say seems to be true.

It's something I'll have to play around with.  I could also salt the fillet overnight but rest it covered, or maybe uncovered but without the paper towel -- which definitely did draw moisture out of the fillet.  The great thing is, though, even though I've cooked up salmon/steelhead/char fillets to quite varying outcomes, they're pretty much all tasty given that you're starting with a decent, fresh piece of fish.  I even tried the Magic Ingredients channel's sous vide and then seared with corn starch recipe, and that produced a really nice result too, though more sashimi-like than a plain pan-sear, especially with the soy-based overnight marinade.

At night I did a whole roasted fish, which is another Magic Ingredients recipe I've been eyeing for a while, and it turned out pretty nicely!  Maybe a few tweaks here and there for next time (or just experimenting with different types of fish), but honestly the end result was really quite decent, particularly the edges and skin sections which crisped up nicely.  This one calls for a wet brine, which seemed to work okay, but I almost wonder if =this= is the recipe where an uncovered dry brine might work better, as drying out the skin seems like it would be beneficial for crisping up more.  Well, we'll see.

I also cooked up some very simple chicken stock/soup from some leftover bones and veggie scraps.  Trying to do that a little more often so that we can avoid chicken bones and such going to waste.  Now that my chicken-bone freezer bag is empty again it'll be time to start refilling it -- starting with tomorrow's dinner, for which I'm planning to do a sundried tomato chicken dish...(lunch is congee with ground pork and preserved egg)

Been on a little bit of a progressive kick lately (prog house/trance) after finding Shion Hinano's works (through a Puru remix).  After listening to a sampling of that stuff on YouTube over the past week or so I finally got around to purchasing some of it today, so I'll have it on hand in my music library to enjoy.  Nice!  My OHC entry last week was of that style, and I might try leaning into it a little more.  I'm actually thinking of purchasing some FLEX libraries for FL Studio -- the synthwave library in FLEX is already something that I use really regularly, and I feel like FLEX is really the right plugin for me to invest in.  The banks aren't too expensive, the whole idea is all around (slightly customizable) presets, and they're FL native and usually load quickly, which is great for my workflow.

Yeah, there's still a million things to do -- I've got an eye exam later this week, Rhythm Quest is begging for more attention, I'm ostensibly "behind" on letters still, and I'm only like half-done reorganizing my drawers, so there's a small mess on my floor.  But I get to celebrate some small victories along the way, too.  Writing 4 letters and mailing out another 2 in a single day is a good feeling.  Did a skincare face mask and some light isometrics, too.  Yeah, I'm not sleeping particularly early, but I had a nap in the afternoon and I get to sleep in tomorrow...  all in all I can't really ask for much better than this.

Got some bad habits to try and nip if I can, but at least I'm sleeping a littttleee earlier today....maybe.  I've not been taking the greatest care of my skin/face in recent week(s) and I think I can actually tell / it shows.  Time to get back onto the train...

There's a lot of various things going on, and as about can be expected, I haven't really been able to dedicate much time to Rhythm Quest -- last time I worked on it was like on Tuesday when I last posted.  But I've been at work on other things.  Mostly, letter writing, as well as voting research.

The letter writing has been going okay.  Two years ago I had completely forgotten that I usually start on these in October, so at least I didn't make that mistake this year.  I've got 9 down in 21 days, which is rather shoddy progress, but it's something!  I'll have to just try to work on it a little bit every day.

On the plus, I'm all done with my voting research -- just waiting to cross-reference with some other voters to see if I need to change any of my opinions, but other than that I'll be happy to have that all squared away.  Always nice to have this kind of thing squared away early.  As a bonus, I scheduled an optometrist appointment that I'm overdue on as well.  Now if only I could get my dental health squared away too...sigh, there is just too much sometimes.

In =other= news, we're into the colder months, especially here in the meowmie house where it's consistently cooler inside than outside due to the shade and all.  That also means that our central heating is starting to have to put in some work, which in turn means the relative humidity has been lower.  I started just having a portable humidifier running on low in my room after an incident where I actually shock-damaged the PCB of my Cycle7 keyboard.  Apparently the ESD protection and guards against shorting have actually just not been great with that PCB in particular.  Fortunately, due to ALREADY having had PCB (or rather, daughterboard) issues, I happen to have a spare wired PCB on hand, and even if I didn't, I already have a wireless PCB coming in for it.  But I guess I'll follow their recommendations and make sure I'm always using the bottom layer of foam to avoid any further electric discharge issues.  Or maybe I could replace it with a cheap anti-static layer as some discord members have suggested.

Had the random urge to boot up Unreal Tournament '99 today but found that I actually don't have the game files anymore (or any of my old mods and mutators...).  Thankfully the mods that I most remember seem to still be available online, so I grabbed some copies of those, but I don't think I'll actually be booting the game up anytime super soon -- I'll have to like, dig up the original CD and patch it up and all.  Eh, something for a different time.

Also randomly decided that this month would be a good month to do some extra cleaning and organizing in my room.  That's taken up a good chunk of time (which I could have used to write letters instead...) but has felt good so far.  There's still more that needs to be done in that regard, but maybe I'll put a pin in it for now.

Cooking is ok, I have a little bit of a directive to try and cook slightly healthier moving forward, so I've been trying to think about which meals I can pair brown rice with, and where I can do more veggie-based options, etc.  I have quite a menu worth of stuff slated after having done a grocery run today, so hopefully that all goes well.  I actually spent a good chunk of today on cooking actually -- not just the groceries, but making lunch and dinner, then putting a whole fish in a wet-brine for tomorrow, plus dry-brining a different fillet and freezing the other half (probably to eat raw later actually).  Have to make sure to remember to pace myself when it comes to this stuff, haha...

Tomorrow's the start of another week...let's do our best again, this week.

We didn't do half-bad this weekend, all things considered.  Yeah, we had that sleepless night.  Honestly, the first night I spent away from home I had this feeling that the whole 5-day weekend would just slip away from me and I wouldn't really get anything done.  But no, I managed to pack in an okay variety of work.  The weekend certainly didn't go as planned, in multiple ways, but at the end of it all, it's not really too bad.

Got some letter-writing done.  Not a ton; I'm going to have to see if I can pick up the pace a little bit in the coming weeks.  But some got done nonetheless.  And today I spent some nice time on Rhythm Quest.  I've been working at various performance improvements, but today I also (mostly) knocked out a bigger task, which was launching my weblate community translations site in a move to hopefully deprecate the old crowdin site.  This has been on the todo list for quite awhile, so it's good to have it finally be reaching toward completion.

Did some groceries too.  Unfortunately it seems that Nob Hill Foods is continuing to have some of my fav specialty items disappear....it's already been a while since they've carried lamb flank steak (really a shame as that's something I've not seen elsewhere either), but they seem to no longer stock duck breast either...unfortunate.  Well, I've already started shopping at Berkeley Bowl mostly anyways due to it being close to Teance, so maybe it's not a big deal.

I finally made it out to the Golfland at San Jose!  Was my first time at that course and it really wasn't half bad at all!  It's kind of hard to directly compare whether it's better or worse than the one in Sunnyvale, I mean of course they're quite similar overall, so it's just minor differences.  I think some parts are better, some parts are a little worse.  You definitely have to pay a lot of attention to the carpet surfaces, as half of them are new carpet where the ball travels much more slowly, vs the ones which haven't been replaced where you get a lot more rolling.

The Castro Valley location had a lot of challenges with uneven ground when putting and that wasn't as much of an issue here, though it still popped up minorly in a few places.  There were a couple of unique hole ideas which I appreciated as being different, though a lot of it of course was repeats.

I put up a totally acceptable performance -- 45 on the easier side and 53 on the harder one.  Par is 51 (only 17 holes per course) so overall really not a bad time at all, especially on the easy side.  Well, besides one hole on the hard side that was like, impossible for me.  It was one of the mound holes and I kept trying to see if I could use backspin on my shot to make it easier, but in the end I think I had to just play it straight.  If I'm ever out on the courses alone at night or something I'll have to play around with trying to spin the ball to see if that's actually a viable strat.

Been doing a little organizing in my room -- my drawers, specifically.  It's not super vital, I mean I hardly ever use most of the stuff in there (which maybe is a problem...), but I've been moving toward using dividers and such in an effort to give some order to all the stuff in there, as opposed to just "a pile of junk all cluttered around".  Especially for things like my extra USB cords and such, that's already helped a lot.

I stopped by the keyboard shop in San Jose!  That was a fun visit; I mean there was no reason for me to spend more money, but it was nice to see various things, and I picked up a little single-switch keychain thing.  I wasn't super interested in buying actual keyboard stuff there, but maybe if I had been there like a year or two ago I definitely would.  They had some Monokei Standard TKLs there and I definitely remember being enticed by the idea of getting a pink one of those at one point.  Interestingly enough I didn't really find it to be a great way to test switches, although you'd think it would be?  They had a tester out, but I think it's very hard to realllllyyy test switches unless you have a very controlled environment; putting them in your own board also helps a lot too.  There was one keycap set that looked and felt nice, but not really something I was considering purchasing as the color scheme was a little off and it's not like I need more keycaps anyways!

Honestly the thing that was most intriguing is that they do stabilizer tuning for like $12.  I can definitely see myself using that service.  Maybe if I have a reason to be in that area again I'll ask how they handle that.

It's voting season again so I've been spending some time going through the ballot already because I always do these sorts of things early (I look forward to them like some sort of crazy person just because it's a task I can take care of and feel good about).

I started playing through Mega Man 8, on a whim.  Really, not the best Mega Man game I could have chosen, not at all, but I honestly don't think I've played through 8 since the time we rented (?) it once upon a time.  From the "nicoevaluates" site (which appears to be down; I had to look at it via web archive), I know that MM8 really doesn't do well in the level design/overall design, and I'm already definitely starting to see that show through a lot.  There are some..."ok" gimmicks in the levels, but none of them are particularly =enjoyable=.  The enemies are pretty boring and get reused everywhere, etc. etc.  So I'm not getting my hopes too high.

Still, it does have a pretty sweet animated opening movie.  A rare instance where I think the Japanese song actually doesn't fit as well as the English one.  I don't think that's my own nostalgia talking either, I just genuinely think that the international song fits the video better and it's not particularly close.  The Japanese (vocal) song is upbeat, but feels quite misplaced, almost as if it was designed for an anime opening with very different beats and pacing.

JP: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ev1RsHQcrcI
NA: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30VhRsLapt0

The instrumental song that we get in the NA release gets it =right=.  The filtered intro with drum loops during the slow shots of Mega Man's body parts, erupting into the main guitar chorus RIGHT when he shoots the screen and the "MEGAMAN 8" text comes up.  You can tell that the different sections of the song were written to fit the video, down to the whistle synth cue that plays right as proto man appears.  Overall the song is a little less "hype" but IMO it fits given that quite a number of shots are just pan+scan, so it's not like a full-on modern anime OP or anything.

Near the end of the video we get the main guitar chorus playing again, during the shot of Mega Man running, and it's like, YES!  The tempo is even synced to his running, and yes, yes yes.  That running animation is so quintessentially Mega Man.  He's not Mario, where you accelerate and then leap and bound.  He's not Sonic, where you zoom across the screen at high-octane speeds.  He's Mega Man, and he's got a 4-frame run cycle.  Oh yes.

If only the gameplay were actually well-designed too, haha.  Ah, well, you can't win em all.

Sleepless nights...

There is a lot of hurt, embedded in that beating heart.

I can see the memories.  I can feel the fresh scars as I run my fingers over what we thought was healed.

Mm.  Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, I guess.  Sayuri -- I mean, this Sayuri -- had scars, too.  I mean, of a different sort, but also, not really.

I want to be like her, too.  Sayuri, and Sayuri.  Ahahaha.  They really are quite alike, in some ways.  I wonder....if Sayuri, would grow up to be more like Sayuri?