Saturday, March 22, 2025

Tomorrow is the start of our trip!

Today I spent some time finishing up packing and taking care of a few things, and then cooked for 7 people, which went well!  Made kimchi fried rice, roast butternut squash, and a salad with seared rare tuna and some homemade sesame dressing.

I was hoping to spend some time relaxing but I learned that some of our Android games weren't available because I had forgotten to make new builds for them for API target level requirements.  Sigh...I really hate software obsolescence (rip flash...).  All in all it wasn't TOO bad to make new builds for those 3 apps (the godot ones were pretty quick, the unity one slower...), but it's really not a great feeling to think about "oh, this is just going to be a big pain in the butt to do every X years".

Pet Furball has always been a thorn in my side when it comes to this.  I gave another shot at trying to get it into some sort of working shape and I actually got further than before -- actually have a working compiled version, I could even provide native windows binaries, perhaps.  But the good news ends there -- I fought against Android building for a while but threw in the towel, and even the HTML5 build had issues, as it runs but only a quarter of the screen displays properly.  That whole Haxepunk/OpenFL/Lime ecosystem was just super terrible...at this point I have to remind myself next time that this comes up that it would be easier to just recreate Pet Furball / Ripple Runner / Melody Muncher / etc from scratch in something like Godot than try to mess with any of them now.

Anyways, it's always a terrible feeling to hear about things that are going wrong with your projects, haha.  (I will never release a live-service game......)  I also have to migrate all of my repos from bitbucket to gitlab at some point due to storage limits, but I guess I've still got some time to do that and it shouldn't be the most terrible thing...

I had some feedback on the FTUE for Rhythm Quest and the good news is that the part that I worked on most recently is working great, the bad news is that pretty much all the other steps in the process are pretty mediocre. =/   Definitely a discouraging sort of feeling, but I just have to remind myself that it's supposed to be an iterative process like this...

Anyways, now that I'm trying to put all =that= out of my mind, I think I'm actually feeling pretty ok about the upcoming week.  I've got a variety of things to choose from for the flight time -- a game to play through, some ALTTPR programming or timing work, Rhythm Quest charting/coding perhaps, letters to write, some movies to watch.  Even though I know I won't get to most of these things (probably will spend a few hours playing something, then poke around and then doze off, etc), I think it helps to "get hyped" about all the things you could possibly do.

I kind of already know that Rhythm Quest won't be done this year; I think everyone else can naively continue to hope for it but I think at this point I know a little better than that.  But that's really not the important thing that matters, the important thing is to look back on each month and either be able to see that I got some good work done, or see that it just wasn't in the cards for me because well....life.

Looking at it from an objective standpoint, though, I could be doing a lot worse.  I always look over to Rhythm Doctor and how they started way earlier than me (2011!) and they're still not done, and they've got a whole TEAM working on that, eh?

There's a lot of stuff coming up ahead, I think despite the fact that I had mostly all good things to report to my therapist, it's intimidating to think too far out about all of the things that need to be taken care of.  But!  Perhaps it's also good to take time to look back and think of all that I have already gotten out of the way.  Wrote my Rhythm Quest devlog, filed my taxes, even helped somebody else with their taxes, I mailed out my ballot too.  Published my monthly album, took care of all that, too.  I didn't get to trim chickie's nails but I gave them both a nice foot soak and topped off their food and water.  Installed the new air filter into my room (maybe after I come back we'll see if that can make any noticeable difference for me).  Put away a couple of things...and yeah, even though I was grumbling about all the build update stuff earlier, I mean, good on me being able to put that away for now.

It's time to wind down, and tomorrow we can start to stretch our legs (well, maybe not literally) and take a break from what we've been focusing on.  It's time to turn away from all the things I "have" to do and start thinking about the things that I "could" do.


Wednesday, March 19, 2025

I mean, could I have been trying to get out this month's Rhythm Quest devlog instead of playing through yet another game of MOO2?  Yes, but man, it's fun to try different race builds and try to fight your way through the onslaught of CPU attacks into the late game.  This time I went with a dictatorship government, so massively disadvantaged compared to democracy or unification, but I was creative (get all techs at each level, very good for lategame) and subterranean (more max population).  Took a production+1 bonus so I at least had =some= production power to get me ramped up, and then large + artifacts homeworld, for even more max pop and then better early research.

Things definitely felt a little slower to get going in the beginning of the game, you can't just build a few colony bases quickly and then start looking to expand like you can with a unification + tolerant race.  The subterranean pick REALLY paid huge dividends in the small galaxy -- I just sat with my two star systems and my population grew more and more until I outnumbered everyone else and it only went even bigger from there once I started terraforming and everything.  Cloning centers really put in work here.

I do wonder if production + 1 and large + artifacts world was the right combo to take, maybe it would have been better to do something like prod+1 and research+1, or even like cybernetic and prod+1?  I did find that trying to feed all my people was taking a lot of my workforce in the earlygame and though you can take aquatic to remedy that, that leaves you without any picks to really speed up your production and/or research so I don't think you get going fast enough.  So maybe cybernetic + prod1 + creative + subterranean + dict would be alright.  Really just shows you how good unification is since you get the production plus the farming bonus...but with the 1.50improved picks you can't afford + creative [8] + subterranean [6] + unification [7]...

Playing creative is always fun because once you get to the late-game you just start having the tools to do =everything=, you research faster, produce faster, and all of your ships and weapons are better.

If you wanted to do a different sort of subterranean build, maybe something like subterranean + unification + prod+2 + large homeworld for a production monster, although that would be slow research.  Maybe an interesting one would be subterranean democracy with +2 research and artifacts homeworld, you basically have monster early research and need to rush all of the production and food technologies as well as cloning centers to boost everything else...


Tuesday, March 18, 2025

Fairies

Got various things to write about, I think.  Let's get to it...

I've stopped "actively" pondering over Tunic and its symbolism and lore or whatever, but I still can't shake the feeling that I get whenever listening to "Sageless".

Certain spaces in games carry a certain special energy in them.  Well, many of them carry many different sorts of energies, really.  When I wrote my remix of the Mysterious Forest theme from Link's Awakening, I wove in a bunch of cameo melodies from other "lost woods" areas in games (ALTTP, SMRPG, OoT).  I wrote in my submission:

"The whole 'lost woods' trope is ubiquitous among video games, so I thought it would be kind of cool to envision all of these forests as actually being interconnected... a place where you can get so lost that you even end up in the wrong game!"

I had a similar (unsubstantiated) thought today, listening to "Sageless" again.  There are these spaces where you can feel the energy in the air, whether it's because of the way the place looks, or the music, or what it all represents.

The gathering place in Tunic.  The lantern room in Journey.  Even the bench in Rain, perhaps.



Three drastically-different color schemes.  I guess you could argue that the tonality of the spaces is different, too.  The heater room in Journey is quiet warmth and peace.  The bench in Rain, a bit forlorn, yet with shimmering magic.  The gathering place in Tunic, somehow majestic, almost a sort of cosmic magic in a way, but by that I don't mean the sort of "infinite flowers" non-beauty that I saw at Teamlabs two years ago.

It's something that is warm, yet makes you sad.  In the same way that when Ghibli films are at their =best= they portray a sense of preciousness that hurts because it paints such an authentic feeling of untainted beauty, and we are adult enough that we know how fleeting and rare that is.  I think "nostalgia" is a loaded term, but taking it to mean "A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past." I think captures the right energy.  When we say "nostalgia" these days it can sometimes almost be a sort of marketing buzzword akin to "retro", but this dictionary definition includes the idea that nostalgia is "bittersweet".  It's sad because you're reminded of something that you loved that is no longer here with you.

From the comments I've read on "Sageless" I know I'm not alone in feeling this sentiment in it:

"This song came on while i was watching my mom tend to her flowers outside the window. I felt a lump in my throat and when the strings came in i started crying. My mom won't be around forever. And it will be moments like these that will live on in my mind when i think of her. I had to go outside and hug her because someday i know, i won't be able to anymore."

What is the meaning of these fairies?  And why is it that they have a musical theme embedded with such energy?

Some light spoilers for Tunic incoming:

I mentioned before that I think it's interesting, and perhaps confusing, that the fairies share a name with the stone fairy enemies -- the manual refers to both as "fairy".  Though this is potentially a red herring.  The stone fairies are sort of "spryte-like", but have a sort of "drone-like" behavior.  They've been theorized to help maintain and restore spaces, maybe that points to a sort of adaptable nature, their magic just happens to have been used for defense?

We gain another clue when examining the fairy "fountain" itself, we see the text "Souls Returned: __", in plain text.  Not "fairies returned", but "souls".  The manual itself refers to the fairies alternatively as "fairy souls" and "hidden fairies".  The word "soul" is used at other times in Tunic as well, your MP gauge is referred to as "the power of your soul" and it's said that some enemies "leave their souls" (referring to the MP pickups).

The fairies seem to have a little bit of an attitude or mischevious nature, their "rescue cries" translated are things like "what up lil fox" and "thank you friend" as well as "where my friends at", "you found me yay", or "finally, freedom".  Of course, part of this is probably due to the terse nature of the language, but "what up lil fox" could have easily been a different phrase such as "hi little fox", so there seems to be some intention here.  "Finally, freedom" is an interesting one, as the manual says that the fairies "lock themselves" in gold boxes.

The fairy at the fountain gives a long speech, which also givens some interesting thoughts to ponder about.  It not only breaks the fourth wall, referencing the developer of the game, but knows about the bad/good endings of the game, and says something about "either way, I'm back in the box, right?"  Which we can only understand as being a metaphorical "box" since you've just freed the fairy, obviously.  Or at least, a higher-level "box", maybe it's referencing the "damp cave" that it's now in, but I get the feeling that it's a level above that, like "still in the game of tunic" really.

Perhaps the biggest clue in that long speech is that the fairy tells you to tell the dev to "stop putting me in that box", suggesting that they "are put in the box" by the developer, contrary to what the manual tells us where they "lock themselves" in boxes.  Perhaps the manual is a little misleading here, like the fairies are locked up by the developer who then pretends to not be at fault.

Something that I totally missed is in the pages describing the holy cross -- it says to "free the souls that stayed behind to guide you and receive their gift".  Their "gift" obviously meaning either of the two rewards that you get from rescuing enough of them, but it's interesting that it refers to the fairies as "souls that stayed behind to guide you".  If they "stayed behind" that implies that others have moved forward.  What exactly does that mean?

The seeking spell also references the "small fold of local truth the fairy has created as a nest".

So the fairies obviously are in the know about "the truth", and have an assigned role in guiding ruin(s) seekers.  They are put into boxes by the creators of the game (who in my little headcanon are somewhat tied to the purple miasma / ancient civilization) and "stay behind".  Even after they are freed, even after all of them are freed they still congregate in the secret place, so it's not like even after you free them all they "move on".

Does the "staying behind" have to do with the cycles of the world in Tunic, like the "power to defy death" and all that?  So many questions...

I was convinced when I first played through the game that the power of the Fairies was needed to change fate.  In a way, they did hold a key to the "ultimate wisdom", so I guess that was true, in a sense.  But where did they get this importance and power and where did they come from?  Are they remnants of the previous heirs?  Are they the spirits of the purple fox-like creatures from the Miasma, "at peace"?  Are they a symbolic and "tangible" representation of the secrets, the little trinkets of care that the developers put into the game?

I also discovered something silly and funny today -- I have apparently never read or seen the instruction booklet for the first two Zelda games.  I knew of course, the basic design of it, the pale golden color and all that, but I honestly don't think I have ever looked inside (or maybe never even seen the manual in person).  Yeah, come to think of it, a good number of NES games I think I've never seen their manuals at all, just an artifact of happenstance I think.  It's a funny little experience, flipping through them now.......

I've dwelled on these thoughts for too long already, it's time for some rest...


Friday, March 14, 2025

Oooooooooo I am =frothing= and seething with a post in mind about how the visual design of Overcooked 2 is worse than that of Overcooked 1.  I always knew that Overcooked 1 was a cleaner design overall (despite having a very rough bump in the midgame levels) but looking at the levels side by side, oooooooooonnnnggghhhhhh it's all I can do to tell myself to just save it for another day......



I missed the Journey anniversary, this time not because I was traveling but just because I overslept and was busy and it slipped my mind between everything.  Honestly, not even upset about it because I just didn't have the time today...

I didn't do last year's either, which makes it 2 years since I've actually been on the pilgrimage.  Hmmm, I hope I can manage one at some point.

Somehow have a really busy few days!  Two days ago I worked really hard on Rhythm Quest then yesterday I did good work for my job, today was just a bunch of different stuff all over.

Something had been stealing my chickens' food; I've been trying to put up makeshift barriers which seem (?) to have been working so far, until we can just line the entire floor of the coop.  Unfortunately today I found my entire supply bin uncovered and something had definitely gotten into the food.  Really annoying since it also rained a tiny bit so I had to dump everything out and clean it out...at least this time I know from last time to get the food out of the original paper bag it comes in, since it grows mold due to the moisture from the soaked paper if I don't do that.  I'm not sure if it was me that left the bin uncovered or whether whatever animal is responsible figured out that there was food inside and managed to lift the cover, but either way I have it secured more definitively now -- now if I find something amiss there I'll =know= that it's the thief...

My beloved meowmie is getting on in years, now is a certified senior meowmie!  Hopefully she can live on a great rest of her life, we all love her a lot.

As I was saying I somehow seem to have exploded in stuff to do haha, this weekend / few days in particular seems like I may have booked myself with a few too many things for comfort, but hopefully it'll be ok.  Between meeting with friends, stopping by Jammix, donating to goodwill, picking up groceries, getting a bang trim, and even a silent reading event I guess at least my therapist will probably be proud that I'm pushing myself, haha.  I said no to one trip, but I said yes to another one (PBB).  It seems intimidating, for sure, and hopefully I don't end up regretting it, but I considered it carefully and it seems like an appropriate amount of "risk" or "new" for me to take on, I think even though it's not something I was jumping at the bit to participate in at first, it seems like it's roughly aligned with where I'm at, so I made the call to hop on board after considering it.

I got a comment "this is the first time I've seen you wearing pants [instead of a skirt]" the other day haha, it's been a while since I've heard something like that.  Made me a slight bit self-conscious actually, like wait, am I actually wearing the right thing??  Not that that actually bothered me, it was just kind of a funny thought to have.  But like, it also made me wonder, maybe I would feel better there, too, if I brought that part of myself to the table -- I mean, more than I already do.


Wednesday, March 12, 2025

Giving up on dreams

But it's like, =sad= to give up on your dreams, isn't it?

We go through childhood constantly being told what not to do -- don't touch that, don't put that in your mouth, be quiet, sit still.  You can tell when you've progressed beyond being a child because you start being told what =to= do instead -- study harder, take our the trash, apply for the scholarship, tell me about your day.  Further on in life you may think that you have partially escaped this, but you didn't really, it's just that nobody is telling you anything, so you end up putting yourself in that role instead, telling yourself what to do.  I need to file my taxes, I need to do the groceries, I should sleep earlier, I should exercise more.

And yet even as adults we tell ourselves what we can't do, it just might not really feel like it because so often it's seen through the lens of "that's just the way it is".  It's more sinister in that way, maybe.  Of course we can't stay up late anymore that's only something you can do when you're younger.  Meeting new friends and going to parties is something you do when you're in college.  People don't write letters anymore.

The creeping vine of "that's just the way it is" is everywhere.  People get used to something and then just there's this weird feeling in the air that it's this inescapable fact of life.  You'll never get a job in this economy.  If you want to find love you have to slog through online dating.  If you make a living with your passion you'll grow to hate it.  Friends grow apart if they move away.

And sometimes the suggestive power of this sort of thing is so hard to catch despite being so powerful.  I suffered through psychosomatic wrist pains for an entire year because people were telling me that "when you use the computer too much, this is what happens to you".  Many people have reported the same thing about back pains* (ignoring all of the nuance in this topic b/c it's too much to get into), sometimes when we hear enough about something, it ends up just becoming our reality.

Of course, there is often merit in what these ideas are getting at, but why is it that when we're confronted with such knowledge we are so quick to take it at face value and just turn the other way?  To conform to gender norms, to lead a "safe" life, to give up on being the best, to deem our dreams unrealistic, to settle.

As someone who prefers to just stay in their comfort zone and avoid trying too many new things it might seem that I'm the kind of person who would simply take the path of least resistance, not really standing out much, not really pushing against the norm.

But...like I said, it's...=sad= to give up on your dreams, isn't it?  

Maybe it's "easier" to just wear pants and not skirts, to take the job at Google, to lead and not follow, to stop caring about things from 10 years ago, to stop writing handwritten letters, to not be friends with my ex.

But it's also like, impossible.  Maybe these are some of the biggest clues that we can glean about who we truly are, that even when it flies in the face of everything else we've heard, there are some things that we for some reason can't help but stubbornly hold onto.  Don't let anyone take those things away from you.  Even if you don't have them, they will be yours forever.

We look back upon our childhood memories fondly, wondering "why can't it be like it used to" despite having more money, more experience, more knowledge, more disposable income.  We "have no time" to connect, to play, to relax and yet many of us are no longer in a situation where we live under a power dynamic where we must do as we are told*.  "We don't do the things we used to" not because the videogames disappeared, not because our art supplies vanished from our dusty plastic storage bin, but because somewhere along the line we decided that we would stop.  Or worse yet, we had it decided for us and never questioned it.

Throughout the years I always have people ask me from time to time how I manage to do and keep up with so many different things.  I produce music, play videogames, sharpen knives, write letters, do social dance, practice pixel art, make my own games, type blog posts, cook every day.  The allocation of your time and energy is a zero-sum game.  I think people know this, but as I go on I've started thinking that it really is just that simple sometimes*.  When you say "yes" to something it means saying "no" to something else.  The more that you say "yes" to, the more that you say "no" to.  I don't really have infinite time or energy either, there's just less other things that I'm doing because these are the things that I made sure that I'm doing.  What are the things that you are making sure that you are doing?  Did you choose them?  Or were they simply put in front of you?


Saturday, March 8, 2025

I'm still feeling a little bit of a funk, like there are some feelings of loneliness and/or like unexcitement, I almost wonder if it's a little bit of depression again??  I'm sure the cure is probably more white tea haha, but tomorrow is not really a tea day actually, tomorrow I'll be heading to a journaling meeting in japantown, not sure exactly how it will go but I will bring my letter-writing supplies and see!

I did some okay work today.  Am I making progress toward the next demo update for Rhythm Quest?  Yes and no, haha.  Because I did a major update to how the backdrops and level graphics are loaded, the tutorial is totally broken, but while I was thinking about how to fix up the tutorial, I started thinking about how I wanted to restructure the tutorial anyways, so I ended up diving into that instead.

It's fine though, it's not like there is a particular rush to update the demo with all this new stuff.  It's just a demo, after all.  And it's actually a really good thing that I'm getting to this tutorial update, that's something that's vitally important to test out but something that I've also been putting off thinking about because I had not been sure exactly how to make it work.

Turns out, probably easier than I thought given that one of my goals for the tutorial is to make it more fast-paced and streamline it.  So it's not like I'm adding a bunch of steps or anything, just changing the flow a little bit.  It's getting there, through an iterative process...there are still a bunch of rough edges, but already I feel like it solves some of the problems I had with the existing flow, which is good.


Friday, March 7, 2025

Tunic, care and love

I finished my time with Tunic.  I didn't see literally everything there is to see and do, but very close enough to it, at least all of the stuff that matters.  I stopped by a kind spoiler-free internet guide for a few hints -- just the right dosage of hinting, actually, and carried the rest through on my own.

Where do I even begin talking about Tunic?  There is too much.  It's probably best to just talk about it in bits and pieces, I don't think I can talk about everything all at once.  I'll try my best to block off and mark off spoilers, of which I'll be discussing in varying degrees, I guess.  You should be able to highlight them to see them. (sorry to those viewing on mobile where this is awkward/not possible)

I guess the most important thing is that this game moved me in an incredible way.  It made me feel an emotion that no other single game has ever made me feel -- care and love.  There are a few games that play around with or evoke similar emotions, of course.  Journey, at some of its best moments, has made me feel a sense of companionship.  I guess Outer Wilds made me feel a new understanding of what it meant to "discover and explore".  I know Tunic is pretty fresh, so the emotions are still a little bit more potent, but really it feels like it was more of a special experience.  It brought me to tears afterwards, just reflecting on it.

Outer Wilds is in a similar "genre space" as Tunic, so I think there is some merit to comparing how they played out and how they made me feel.  I think of course both do things that are unique and -- on a technical and design level -- incredibly crafted.  But I don't really want to speak to that part, I'm interested more in the emotional experience and themes.  In Outer Wilds there's this strong sense of "continuing on in the footsteps of others".  Not only are you one of a long-time tradition of explorers of your race, but for most of the game you are following in the footsteps of the Nomai.

And even though none of their messages are really intended for you, the Nomai's scattered lore and teachings really make you feel like they're guiding you on this pilgrimage or journey of learning.  They teach you so much of what you learn throughout the game, and that establishes a real emotional bond between you and them.  Which is why when you find out what their ultimate fate was, it's one of the most poignant (and gut-wrenching) moments in the game.

When you finally "meet" a Nomai on the quantum moon there is this bittersweet feeling of connection that I feel like is probably not really captured in any other gaming experiences I've had (indeed, how could it be?).  You can only have a few rudimentary conversations with them, far less than you'd want to, but it is enough, in a way.  You met someone who has been through and understands much of what you do.  And this shared understanding makes it so that even though this is the NPC that you interact with last, it's the one that you feel most closely bonded with.  And this coming after so many repeated time loops of exploring, mostly on your own.

Tunic conjures a somewhat similar, yet somewhat different feeling, for me.  With Tunic, I think the world is not quite as lonely as in Outer Wilds, but overall the world does feel somewhat "lonely" and somber.  I think this is not literally due to the absence of people to interact with, but has more to do with the "ruined" nature of the world, and how you're left all of these clues from the past.  Again, similar to reading the various stories and texts that you come across in Outer Wilds.

In Outer Wilds, like I mentioned, you're following in the footsteps of others, and they want you to succeed.  There's certain areas that are even crafted specifically as learning experiences.  The civilizations of the past =want you to learn=.

In Tunic this experience goes quite a bit more deeply.  In Tunic the major "conceit" of the game is collecting the scattered pages of the game manual and deciphering the alien-at-first clues hidden within in order to gain a better understanding of the world.  This is something that's enjoyable (and well-crafted) on multiple axes, the last of which is the one that made me feel these emotions of care and love.

The first axis is the "technical" one.  The "puzzle design", so to speak, of Tunic, which I appreciated much more than many other similarly-puzzley games I've played.  I think a lot of people talk about this, it's appreciable on a rather surface level, so I don't think I have to talk about it that much.

A second axis is how the experience of exploring and learning about the world of Tunic harkens back to a different way of experiencing a game, or a game world.  This is something which largely gets chalked up to "recalling the nostalgia of old games".  That's =part of it=, and I think an important part, but I think at it's core it's more than that.  After all, Shovel Knight and Mega Man 10 recall the nostalgia of old games, but neither of those two games pay attention to this specific experience.

The experience in question ties into the inspiration of the album art behind OCReMix's Super Mario RPG album:

The experience of being "immersed" into a game, in a way that to me I think is more meaningful than what the term is generally used for these days (high fidelity graphics, diegetic UI, etc).  Perhaps people have a certain yearning for this time in their lives because it contrasts with a time in which we check our phones while waiting for cutscenes to play, a time in which our eyes jump between what is happening on screen and what is happening on Twitch chat and how your favorite streamer is reacting to it.

Tunic generally forces you to be "hands on" with its world in a way that also harkens back to an earlier time.  The gameplay pattern of constantly flipping through the in-game manual is something that at first blush would hinder the way you're immersed in the game, but actually does the exact opposite.

But the way that the instruction booklet is crafted is not just clever, nor is it just beautiful in its rendition (it is).  The meticulousness of the design makes you realize that everything is done for a reason, and while that is technically impressive and satisfying to puzzle out, even more than that it made me realize that =so much care= went into this.  So much care went into this thing that is designed for me, to help me.  And you can FEEL this so, so much through the process, that the game =wants you to succeed=.  It's rooting for you, and it cares about your experience.

This is one of the central themes of Tunic for me as both a game and an experience and I think many people will back this up in some way.  In many games you play it's about defeating monsters and conquering challenges (of course, Tunic appears to be this way on its surface, too, that's the irony of it).  It always feels like there is this "battle" going on between game creator and game player.  Speedrunner is the epitome of this -- the creators have put up all of these barriers, obstacles, and tests for us and we need to figure out how to best break them down, bend them to our will.

And even for puzzle games, it generally feels like the game is "trying to stump you".  Of course, it's not =actually= trying to make you stuck, the ideal experience is usually to get you to wrack your brains and make you feel allllmost hopeless and then eventually come up with a brilliant solution that satisfies you when it all clicks together.  But there's still the feeling of "riddle me this!"

On an executional level Tunic is no different, but on an emotional level it is the opposite, Tunic does this fantastical thing of trying to provide you with everything that you need in your journey.  And viewed under this lens, the meticulousness and "cleverness" of the design stopped coming across as technical excellence and started to make me feel this indescribable gratitude that someone put this much effort into my experience.  The best analogy I can make is if your best friend, the one that knows you inside and out, planned an entire day of surprises for you, with all of your favorite foods, special jokes and treats that were picked out and crafted as part of an experience for =you= to enjoy.  And even after all that, you discover that your friend even crafted a backup plan at every turn that you never even saw!

That's the level of care that was put into Tunic and that's kind of how it made me felt and I can confidently say that no other game has ever tapped into that feeling before.  Tunic was of course unique because of its puzzle design, because of its excellent visual language, because of effective use of "show not tell", all of that good stuff.  But this part made me really feel something.  I know it's really weird to say that "a video game made me feel loved" but it really is something akin to that.

This ties into the ending of the game.  I think I was a bit disappointed at first with the second ending of the game because I was expecting it to deliver in terms of story/plot/lore as opposed to the broader understanding of Tunic as an experience.  When you think about it, the ending does not explain much at all about the big unanswered questions about the game.  Those deep dark secrets that were raised by the "show not tell" worldbuilding.  What is the deal with the sarcophogi?  What is the meaning of the fairies?  Why exactly is the Heir trapped?  What is the Far Shore and where did the three keys come from?  Does anything happen with the huge operation going on deep in the core?

It was not clear to me at first why sharing the instruction manual with the Heir "solved" the end of the game.  After all, the manual does not really carry any new wisdom about the fate of the world, about the plot itself, about how to "solve the cycles", so to speak.  I was convinced at first that all of the faeries would need to be collected -- that together the wishes of these spirits would need to be collected to evoke some powerful magic, to make everything right.

But the ending of Tunic is understood best at a higher level.  I always thought that it was weird how ostensibly the Heir is supposed to be helping to guide you the entire way through the game, reviving you when you die (incurring a "debt", as it's said in the manual), but as a player I didn't really feel a connection with the Heir because they were largely absent in the game.  Really it was the manual that I was forming a very real and substantive emotional connection with; this manual =cared= about me and despite not even speaking the same language really wanted me to understand everything I needed to know, to help me.

But of course the manual and Heir are kind of better viewed as one and the same, aren't they?  The manual helping you =is= sort of the same thing as the Heir helping you.  And sharing the manual with the Heir isn't some magical transfer of knowledge, nor is it some act of "proving your worth".  It's an emotional connection, the "I've been through all of this."

As with Outer Wilds, the experience of having gone through a similar journey as others -- especially a long one made on your lonesome -- is a powerful thing.  This is not just a videogame thing, it's a natural truth of human experience.  If I think to the creators of Tunic, they would want nothing more than for me to experience everything that the game has to offer.  That much is really clear from how the game is crafted, they're really on my side.

I've seen people write about the ending as sweet because a child is reuniting with their mother or writing about how the ending is about how you are finally a hero who has proved their worth after having gone through all the challenges of the game and I think those are both very surface-level understandings that really miss the mark.  The heir is shown as this looming large spirit but in the ending the heir and the hero interact "as normal pals".  Or parent/child, sure, whichever you prefer.  But the emphasis is on the shared experience.  "I walked the golden path".  The golden path isn't meaningful =by itself=, it's only meaningful because of what went into its creation and all that went into its discovery.  When you can say to the Heir "I walked the golden path", it creates a shared experience.  That even though these two beings did not know each other, they understand what the other has been through.  And like Solanum in Outer Wilds, there is so much they can feel connected about because of that.

There are some interesting thoughts I've had about how to understand other facets of the game through the "big theme" of Tunic.  For example, I don't think this is a substantiated interpretation, but I couldn't help at one point but wonder if the purple miasmic spirits inside the obelisks were a representation of how much labor and suffering goes into the making of a game itself.  That when we progress through these games that we play, we can only do so because of a heavy price paid by others.

But I've written enough already for now...


Wednesday, March 5, 2025

I had been having a slight bit of anxiety, so I guess this is my chance to do a slight mind dump before calling it a night for real.

Currently typing on my Evo80 which is definitely the least favorite of the boards I have right now I'd have to say.  It's got a real distinctive character, one that I quite appreciated when I first got it, but somehow I don't really prefer it these days.  Still a solid board for what it is, just, I guess tastes shift a little bit and I've got other new switches and all.  Not really a bad thing either, I mean it's =good= that I prefer my Cycle7 and Neo80, that's kind of how it should be.

I finished playing through a great deal of all the content in Tunic.  Actually played through probably over half of the game in one day (had a sleepless night...).  It's hard to really succinctly summarize my thoughts on it, but they are overwhelmingly positive.  It really impresses me on how many things it manages to do right, it's like...mm...how do I describe it, even?  Everything just works really well, in a way that makes me wonder, "wait, why did we even have to settle for all of these other games?".  Of course it's not a perfect game, a perfect game doesn't exist, so that's not really a meaningful statement.  I kind of knew what kind of experience I was getting into before playing Tunic BUT I didn't expect it to be as well-rounded and engaging of an experience on all fronts.  I'll have to write more on it later, but I'll save that for when I've done all I want to in the game.

I did OK today I guess.  Cooking went quite well actually, I made laksa for dinner and though it took a little longer than I would have liked it turned out nicely and was a hit.  I didn't end up doing my laundry like I was supposed to, but I did ok at work, enjoyed my white tea, did my therapy, and worked not only on some dance edits but also drafting up a rough plan of attack for what I would teach, assuming I can manage to make that event happen next month.

I guess that's it for now......


Tuesday, March 4, 2025

I'm trying...this'll be a short one since it's already past my bedtime.

Played a casual boots seed in ALTTPR and was pretty unhappy with my play / performance.  But there's like, not that much to do about it other than just keep at it and hope to keep learning very slowly from experience, right?

I do think that it's both that, but also a mindset thing, like I don't feel like my mental state was in the right place when I was running the seed this time, it felt like I pressured myself into making decision and that's just not how I ought to be doing things, at least not if I want to make sure I'm happy with my own play.  I guess it's similar to the stuff I wrote about performing / contests at VBall or whatever, but also a little different because it's not like I'm being evaluated by an audience (well, until I'm on restream, which actually will happen in a few months, at least for one time).

I do also feel like I've lost some of the "flowcharting" that I have tended to fall back on and rely upon in my previous rando experience; perhaps I need to make sure I'm firming up my mental framework and heuristics for approaching the game to make sure there are less big decisions that I'm sort of just winging on the fly.

I forgot to mention this last time but I played DDR the other day and I can sloooowwwwwlyy actually feel my foot speed increasing when it comes to approaching 16th strings.  It's very slight but somewhat noticeable, but that's cool, I mean I usually don't think of improvement DDR in terms of pure speed, for me it's usually mostly a stamina thing and then secondly a chart processing / technique thing, but generally I'm not used to playing charts where footspeed is really a factor (I guess that also comes from the charts that I'm used to...back in the eurobeat era when 16ths just weren't really much of a thing since the tempos were already higher).

I started to put together a setlist for my potential dance event!  Due to space reservations ending at probably like 10PM (?) it looks like I'm going to have to choose between hosting a lesson and then doing a 2-hour setlist or just deciding that I don't want to teach until JaSmix and doing just a 3-hour set by itself.  I have a lesson concept in mind but of course it takes real work to actually put something together, we'll see if that ends up materializing.  I've not really done 2-hour events so that would be an interesting little twist on making a playlist, admittedly.  It feels so short...