Everything

I want to start blogging more often again, I think.  The reason I say that is because it feels like too much is "swirling around" in my life these days.  Maybe blogging is a way to catch all of those threads that are spinning around in the air and settle them down on the ground again.

I'm hoping that the peace I had of yesteryear is not incompatible with the new sense of exploration and discovery that I've adopted.  That would be so disappointing!

I started playing around with pastels.  Of course, I'm still a total foreigner to the medium, but I really like it.  I like it because it makes me think of light, shading, color, things like that, as opposed to when I'm just doing lineart.  You know, whenever I think about art, I always try and relate it to music.  I think one thing that's "bad" about just going and drawing random lineart is because I feel too pressured to plan things out before I start.  I think that's why doing still life drawings is a little bit more fun.

I did http://ddrkirbyisq.deviantart.com/art/Pastel-Sketch-6-378553774 and think it's actually pretty revealing to some certain aesthetics of mine.  Maybe coincidental, of course, but some of it not, either.  One is the composition and direction.  I just like stroking from bottom left to top right, for some reason, so whenever I start doodles, that stroke direction is normally what I do.  So that direction is really common for me, for that reason.  The other thing is the light of it.  When I was comparing to music, I got the feeling that I might (?) like drawing things that are mostly dark, but with some sort of glowing light.  Imagine something like aurora borealis or something.  The reasoning behind that is because that light feels to me like the melody of a song.  For me, the melody is something that's like frosting you put on top of a cake...it's not the central part, and doesn't have that much "weight", even though it's important and is the most attention grabbing.  So if I equate that to the light, it makes sense that I'd draw something that has a thin glow of highlight.

Of course, that's all just hypothetical thinking and I could be wayyyyyy off base here.

I think pastels are also cool because I get to work with dark paper.  Starting from black and then building up light seems more natural, in some ways, than going in the other direction.  I'd like to say it's because that's how computer light works, but...that's probably just overromanticizing it.  It definitely is cooler though...and carries a bit more of a nighttime mood, which I like.

There's a turmoil in my mind that I hope I can quiet down...I hope...I hope it can quiet down...

Got my new headphones!  AKG K240 mkii's, they're pretty awesome!  Time to show them off to everyone at work and make them jealous.  My co-workers all got some random noise-cancelling headphones instead, but I was like no!  No sir, I don't want that!  No need for that...just give me my studio headphones please. :)

About relationships...I realize that for me, I don't have a need to keep all relationships the same.  That's too impractical.  But, I want to make sure that if a relationship changes, it's because the relationship "should" change.  I don't want a relationship to change for the worse, just because I didn't put in enough effort.  Taht's really what I want to avoid.  Of course, I can put in effort and the relationship could still deteriorate.  That's sad, but that's okay.  Because then it was just natural, right?  But if it fell apart because of me, and I could have done something differently, then...that's not as okay, I think...

Of course, even if a relationship naturally doesn't work, I would still find it important to remember it, to think back on it, and to still value it.  Because I affix myself to the past, and it's important to me.  Never going to give that up.

It feels like I've written so much, yet also nothing at all...

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I started to read Pita-Ten, since I picked up the entire set of manga at Fanime at the swap meet.  Just book 1, and already I'm pretty into it.  So many feelings...I think partially because I have more life experiences now, there are things that are just more intense for me.  That must be it, right?  It's not just that I cry more easily now, but also because I just have stronger empathy for certain situations, that they affect me so much more.  Yes...that must be it.

Looking forward to finishing it.  It was a long time ago that I watched the anime, and even that had its moments for me.  So I'm sure this will too.  Shia...haha, can't lie, every time that Shia shows up, is just...