I mean...it's "passable", but not great.  I'm pretty functional, for sure.  I seem to be doing my thing at work and somehow I even seem to have found some fun again in developing Rhythm Quest (and I'm not even working on levels/songs...), which is a great sign.

I spent a lot of time on the upcoming GT basement update for my ALTTPR site today, which isn't a bad thing, but part of me kinda knows it was kind of just an excuse to "have something to do" more than anything else.

There have been bright spots for sure.  Some people have this sort of energy that is so easy to feel at ease with.  It's not super unheard of, but it's not super common either, I guess.  It makes me wonder how I can find more of that in my life, somehow.  But I guess, also, whether I could ever be that way.  I feel like my first instinct is no, but, it's also something I never really thought about before.  I guess it's not necessarily a goal of mine.  And that may seem a little sad, but it's also not at all.  I don't think these people are the way they are because it was a goal of theirs...it just fell naturally out of how they react to others.  That is not to say that I want to just always react to people with my most base instincts either, but...well, I guess that "balance" is something that is still an open question for this year.

I haven't really been feeling great, about things in general.  I know this, I can feel it, too.  I can still have fun, of course, I'm still taking care of myself as well, but there's an undercurrent flowing through.  And usually, this is where I'd fall back onto my past and want to receive comfort, strength, maybe even solidarity, with my memories, but this time it's different because all that has been being called into question, too.  There were times last year when I thought, "oh, yeah.  This small set of important people that I've managed to fit into my life are a source of strength and support for me", or "oh, yes.  If no one else, I can count on myself, for comfort, for consolation, and for empathy".  I'm not really sure what the way out looks like for me this time, though.

Strangely, I don't (or maybe just not yet) feel a desire to retreat and shut everyone out as is common.  I'm not sure if that is a coincidence or whether it means something is different this time after all.  Maybe it's something to the effect of it not being shame that I'm feeling, but sadness.

I watched the rest of the episodes of Kanon (2006).  I'm not really quite sure how to tackle a writeup of them yet -- perhaps all at once, rather than split into Nayuki and Ayu's arcs as they are more sort of tangled up in each other than separate anyways.  I'm...not actually 100% sure what I felt when I watched through it all, only that I was sad and that it resonated with something that I was feeling, despite its flaws.  And, without getting into it too much, there were indeed flaws -- I guess, the rest of Kanon also had them, too, every single arc that we went into.  Shiori's arc was perhaps the most "solid" of them that I covered so far, with Mai's and Makoto's having some more obvious issues in terms of storytelling (though of course we know whose is my favorite).  Nayuki and Ayu's stories...I somehow get the impression that I'm going to find more fault than greatness with them and I worry a lot that they'll suffer from "forced grandeur" where "you feel sad because they're playing sad music" and not because you're really sad at something.  I think Ayu in particular as the main character is in a position where they kind of really try to put forth that it means a lot, so it will be interesting to reanalyze it to see whether I think they actually achieved that or whether it was more shallow and on a surface level.

Still, though, there were some really interesting moments, and actually some really interesting shots, that I never gave much consideration to, before.  I find myself thinking more about the creative process, about the artistic direction of these things.  =Why= was this shot framed this way?  It was obviously very intentional, but also very unintuitive.  What was the thought process behind this?

And if nothing else, I think the process of grief that Yuichi was going through, I think it was kind of the right thing for me to watch at the right time, given where I'm at.  There's always that "low point" of the story, right?  The equivalent of the "death march" in Journey.  Every time I go through that march in the snow, I think about some different things.  What has been really traumatic for me.  All the things I've lost.  Journey really makes me recall these kinds of things every time I take my annual pilgrimage.  That's really what keeps me playing it every year.  I don't think any other game really has done anything of the sort.  Something that really makes me think about life.  It's a pilgrimage, of the truest sort.

Anyways...tomorrow is another day, I guess.  It's time to do my best to catch some sleep, maybe catch some more sleep, and make sure that I keep myself company with some nice tea.