Perhaps I will do a more lengthy, and less vague (for once) post, about some of the things I've been thinking about and starting to change.  Like a chemical reaction of some sort, the change has already started to take place, and though it's self-instigated, there's a part of me that worries that I will not be able to mold and form it into a proper shape.  That's not really true though; it's not like I can't course correct or anything like that.  But it is still a little disorienting, as you can imagine, to be moving toward a vague direction without settling on a constellation, a north star to sort of guide myself.

But like my experiments in voice modulation, sometimes the iterative approach involves exploring an unknown space and figuring out where to go based on the initial results.  This is the first thing that many (avid / intelligent / deranged / [insert-other-adjective]) gamers do when confronted with a new system.  Try pressing every button on the controller to see what it does.  Test the boundaries and limits.  What are the rules of the game?  Can they be bent?  Broken?  What happens if you go left instead of right?  If you jump into that pit, do you lose a life?  How many lives do you start with?  How late can you time a jump off of a platform?

I suppose there are questions analogous to these, which perhaps have yet to be answered for myself, and maybe will be answered only through trial and error.  How can I be kind =and= beautiful?  How can I be gentle yet passionate?  How can I be Timm[ie] yet also Sayuri?  How can I be strong yet vulnerable?

Even if nobody misses the old me, I will still pay it my respects, as parts of it fade away into obscurity.  Nobody else has to, that's okay.  But it's still important for me to honor my past self.  They are the only reason that I'm here today.  All of their wishes, desires, needs, dreams, promises, they all still ring true.  You could tell me that they were the most misguided person of all and it wouldn't matter, because they still deserve love.  Your past self deserves love, too.  It should go both ways, right?  My past self did so much for me.  It's only natural to want to pay it back, isn't it?  It's not that I want to love my past self above everything else.  I just think we both want the best for each other.  The hopes I have for my future self are the same feeling that my past self had about the me that is here now.