Kanon (2006) Rewatch - 4: Shiori

Minor CW: minor allusions to self-harm...again

Finally...we're back.

I wrote about Mai's arc all the way back in =January= of this year, and then never got around to finishing my watchthrough of Kanon or continuing with my analyses, but after making it past the summer months, we're back into colder weather and Christmas letter-writing, and my heart turns back toward Kanon.

This time we're talking about Shiori, who we first encounter in episode 2.  In contrast to Makoto's flashy entrance, or Mai's picturesque one, the first that we see of Shiori (outside of the OP animation) is actually quite unflattering:

 

You can already see how she's different than the other characters

So yeah, she slips and falls after Ayu bonking into a tree in one of those classic Ayu-Yuuichi prankster moments.  This comedic moment comes right after a somewhat foreshadowing scene of Ayu and Yuuichi "realizing" who each other are (though Yuuichi probably doesn't remember the full truth of it).  If you've already watched through all of Shiori's arc, you know that there's an extra reason why she looks a little frazzled here with all of the things she bought sprawled onto the ground. (and yes, the spoilers are going to start right here)

The first thing that I notice here is how...=ordinary= Shiori's entrance is.  If you didn't know better you might even think she's just some passerby NPC who got caught in the crossfire between Ayu and Yuuichi.  I think this "normalcy" is an important part of Shiori's character.  It's not so much that I think "Shiori is an ordinary person", it's more that I think the relationship that's portrayed with her is a little more quiet and subdued, and I think that gives it a much different feeling, especially when you contrast it to the two stories that we've gone through so far (Makoto and Mai), both involving a lot of supernatural magic of sorts.

The second thing I want to say is that I think it's fitting that Ayu is the one to bump into Shiori at this time, and inadvertently "save" her from herself as she would contemplate self-harm.  The story would have it that Shiori changed her feelings due to how happy Ayu and Yuuichi seemed as they were laughing and joking, and I think that's definitely part of it, but I think also knowing what =Ayu= has been through, and her semi-metaphorical "angel" role (signified by the wings on her backpack, as well as the glorious angel-wings shot in the OP), I think it just makes sense symbolically that she would be the one to remind Shiori that life is precious.

I wrote last time how Yuuichi's interactions with Mai were completely different in nature from his interactions with Makoto, and I think the same is honestly true with Shiori as well.  Even last January after I finished rewatching Shiori's arc, I could say confidently that it's the most "romantic" one.

Damn if this isn't a mood

There are a lot of reasons why I get this feeling, but I think a big part of it is simply because the bulk of Yuuichi and Shiori's interactions involve just them two.  "Shared secrets" I feel like is a key part of romance and I think that's something that is noticeably absent from some of the other characters (Makoto being mostly family, and Mai constantly having Sayuri's company).

Yuuichi still gets his teasing in with Shiori, but there's less "pranking", and so the energy feels a little bit more flirtatious.  This is probably in part due to Shiori's character/persona, but she probably also just gets a sort of "immunity to physical pranking" from her physical frailty.  Another notable difference -- there's no "oh, =actually=, Yuuichi already knew her 7 years ago and just forgot" this time, so there's also more of a natural chemistry of "these two people are actually trying to get to know each other".

About Shiori herself, I think it's really interesting to try to compare and contrast her to Sayuri, because they actually have some very similar attributes.  They both speak in a reserved fashion, usually with a smile on their face; you can tell that they don't quite wear their heart on their sleeve, but are deliberate with how they show their outward self in most cases.  Of course Sayuri has her "ahaha~" catchphrase and Shiori has here "I don't like people who say things like that...", but you have to admit that they really are more similar than not (even down to the self-harm idea).  Unfortunately, I don't think the two ever interact with each other; that's something I'd be fascinated to see how it would play out.

Interestingly, I think Sayuri, as shown in Mai's arc at least, has a stronger feeling of "quiet strength" than Shiori, especially given her role as "the one who figured it out" in contrast to Mai and Yuuichi.  You can feel the age difference (Sayuri being two years older) and how Sayuri's self-harm incident was sometime in the past whereas Shiori's is fresh.  But Sayuri also gives off more of a "teehee" energy, almost like she's happy to play dumb so that she doesn't stand out, despite her being ostensibly the most mature character that we see in the entire series (her and Akiko, probably?).

Perhaps the easiest way to understand the difference between Sayuri and Shiori (why did it just hit me now that their names both start with 'S'...) is in their sisterly relationships -- Sayuri is/was an older sister, while Shiori is a younger sister.  Sayuri's role as the older sister -- especially as it was during her last day with her brother -- was to make her loved ones feel like they were the important and special ones.  You can see this in the way that she minimizes her presence, deflects all of the compliments she's given, and generally plays the supporting role (ok, ok, I know a lot of it is because she's just not a main character, but still).  But Shiori is a little bit more...how do I say this...

 

...it's almost like, she's quiet, but wants to be heard?  She doesn't say outright that she wants attention, but if she really wanted to fade into the background, she wouldn't say things the way that she does, right?  Almost like saying "tee hee, I have a secret, but I won't tell you!~"  She spends her days waiting outside in the school courtyard, "waiting for someone that she actually doesn't know very well herself -- not their name, year, or class".  I like the ambiguity of that part, actually, you're not sure who exactly she's talking about.  Is she waiting for someone in particular?  Or is she just waiting for someone like Yuuichi to come along?  There's that subtle hinting of "hey, actually you could be the one I'm waiting for...".  This energy is key to Shiori's character, I think.  And she's aware of it, too, saying "They say that mysteries give girls a certain allure."

"I know no one is here, but I stand here all the same.  When I arrived, of course no one was here.  But I still could not move from this spot.  Inside me was a vague hope.  That hope kept me locked here.  Locked here all alone.  Up to now."

I think these words make up the first time that Shiori actually speaks in a bit of a monologue, so even though the music and stage aren't really set for it, it feels somehow impactful.

Shiori's words kind of remind me of...well, me, actually.  Knowing that something is lost forever, but still continuing to watch for its return.  That sort of "hopeless futility" is something that I'm not sure how to describe succinctly as a character trait.  It's not just determination, it's almost a sort of folly mixed with the idea of being a hopeless romantic.  That even when something has zero chance, you still can't help but be drawn to the idea that it might turn out.

Also, is it just a coincidence?  Or do we keep on seeing more connections between Shiori and Ayu for some reason?  Just after the above monologue and sunset view, we get this line from Ayu, which seems oddly relevant to Shiori:

Later on we even get a scene where Ayu and Yuuichi run into Shiori at the hospital...I guess it's hard to keep viewing these as coincidences, huh?

Shiori's arc starts proper in episode 15 when Yuuichi and her go on their little "date" and we get to see a rather impressively cute scene where she manages to score zero at the whack-a-mole game.  It's definitely playing into one of many "moe" tropes, but in a more down-to-earth way than most of the other antics with Ayu and Makoto, which again lends this relationship to feeling a little more "believable" in a way.

We even get a little date montage with an upbeat version of "Last Regrets" playing in the background, which honestly I didn't remember at all.  It's...a little off-character, honestly, in how "generic cute date scene" it plays out, and I think while the energy tries to build a sense of "happy company, fun time", I think the upbeat-ness of the scene and music doesn't play to Shiori's strength as a character, at least not at this point of the story.

After that we get a scene where Shiori and Yuuichi visit the school alone at night, and =that's= where we return to the real energy of their relationship.  Just the two of them, off somewhere, alone, gently poking fun at each other while walking next to each other.  This is where Yuuichi finally confronts her about her illness, and about just exactly what her deal is.

Side note: It's weird how much of a golden sunset color scheme we get with Shiori, actually, especially since I feel like the gentle blue and white of the school courtyard is the background I associate most with her.  I don't know if this is a consistent theme within the entire show (might have to flip through again), but I'm starting to almost think that the "gold sunset" scheme is almost symbolic of loss and sadness (well, memories as well, of course).  Which is interesting because the white and blue snow is actually the "happy everyday" color, where in other shows it might be the opposite.  I like that, it's something about Kanon that I think makes it a little more magical, not just ordinary-feeling.

We move into "act 2" of Shiori's arc as we get this scene where Kaori stands in clear contrast to Yuuichi in a not-so-subtle scene composition (that I'm sure I totally ignored the first time through because I was like 15 years younger than I am now):

Shiori's whole arc plays out much similarly to Makoto's in that the whole conceit is that she's ill and is (essentially) expected to disappear in the near future.  It's a good thing that these two arcs didn't follow each other directly back-to-back as it would just feel like a retelling of the same story again, but you just can't help but draw the parallels here between Kaori, as Shiori's sister who doesn't want to acknowledge her, and Amano, the girl who had experience with the fox spirits in the past and is reluctant to become friends with Makoto.

We can look to thus understand Shiori's arc in the ways where it differs (and doesn't differ) in comparison to Makoto's.  Yuuichi still plays the same role -- trying to do his best to make the rest of his friend/lover's life worthwhile despite the impending tragedy.  But this time Kaori is a bigger deal in the story (where Amano played a minor role).

Kaori's whole deal is that she "pretends" she doesn't have a sister, doesn't acknowledge her existence.  You could say that she's avoidant, thinking that if she can build up a wall between them, that she won't get hurt when the inevitable happens.

Which is interesting, because even as early as the end of episode 15 when Kaori first tells the truth to Yuuichi, saying "If it means so much pain, I just wish I'd never had a sister", she starts crying -- clearly suffering a lot from thinking about it.  So it's not actually as if she's insulating herself from ever being close with her sister and caring at all.

Which makes me think it's a little inaccurate to say that Kaori "pretends she doesn't exist because she doesn't want to form a bond".  Rather, Kaori =has= already formed a bond with her sister, but doesn't really want to confront the bitter truth about what that means for her.  Perhaps almost like when someone learns that their friend has cancer, but then awkwardly dodges the topic and pretends like it doesn't exist, because they simply don't know how to handle that conversation, those feelings.  I see Kaori's "coldness" as a sort of bitterness at life that she uses to drown out the pain.

Besides looking at Makoto's scenario, we also can't help but draw parallels to Sayuri's relationship with Kazuya here -- Sayuri, as someone who put up a strong emotional barrier between her and her brother, until she learned that her brother was going to disappear, and she regretted not being able to connect with him earlier.

I think all of these different characters have different approaches to end-of-life.  Sayuri, regretting the time she never had, and trying desperately to reclaim some of it.  Kaori, pained but unable to confront that emotion, feigning anger and coldness instead.

Even Yuuichi, who I mentioned as "playing the same role" for both Makoto and Shiori, in trying to make their remaining time worthwhile, does so in a noticeably different way for both of them.  With Makoto, he tries to fulfill everything that she ever wanted -- spending time with family, playing together, even getting "married".  With Shiori, he does try to do the same thing, in a way, but it's different, because Shiori only ever wanted to be "normal".  Her wish was simply "to go to school with her sister".  And of course, this is important, too.  What people want when they are at the end of their time is different, right?  And what people want even when they =aren't= at the end of their time, is similarly different.

That Yuiichi has already been through one major loss (well....more than one, if you think about it...) from Makoto, and yet still chooses to adopt the same approach (trying to stay close to them and fulfill their wishes), means that he really believes in it even despite carrying somewhat-fresh scars from the last time it happened.  We also get this scene (notice the golden hue!!) where he finds himself internally asking Makoto, "What was it like for you?"

I love this because Makoto is the best it's something that you can't do in the original visual novel medium but you can do in the anime.  You get Yuuichi actually changing and reflecting on what happened before, instead of just 5 disparate standalone routes.

I like that we get little bits of development and deepening in this way, not just with Makoto, but with the others, too.  When Yuuichi comes back home after learning that Shiori is going to pass away after her birthday, he doesn't really want to talk to Ayu about it, but Ayu still understands as a friend that she should sit next to him and keep him company.  And later at school, Yuuichi mentions offhandedly, "yeah, my other lunchmates [Mai and Sayuri] are still gone...".  It's not like he's just up and moved on from all of these people, their relationships are all still playing a role in his life (as they should).

Bed-ridden Mai straight up tells him near the start of Shiori's arc, "Somebody close to you is running away from her pain.  You should stay close to them."  I love this, too, because the obvious answer is "Shiori.  Shiori is in pain".  But when you dig further into the arc, you start to wonder, was it actually Kaori that Mai was talking about?  The one who is running away from their pain?

Shiori's arc culminates in a birthday party for Shiori that Yuuichi organizes and desperately tries to get Kaori to attend, wanting the two sisters to make up as they clearly both care for each other but can't really seem to get past the status quo of acting awkwardly distant.  I like that this arc comes after Makoto's as I think Yuuichi needs to show a little bit more nuance and maturity here.  With Makoto, he kind of was the only person deciding on how to care for her, but with Shiori, he needs to navigate his role as a friend -- one who ends up essentially disagreeing with how Shiori and Kaori are doing things.

As a friend is Yuuichi supposed to trust that these two sisters can handle themselves and not butt in?  Or is he supposed to try and convince them of the error of their ways?  Of course the real answer is somewhere in between and I think it's nice that he spends some time showing restraint at first while getting to know the situation, before ultimately deciding that he wants to push things along because he feels that it's what everyone kind of wants but can't really manage to get to.  ...Unlike like with Mai where he kinda decided up-front that the "goal" was to get Mai to be more outgoing and popular.  Woo, maturity!

At the birthday party we get Kitagawa stealing the spotlight for a little bit with a boisterous dance performance, as well as some shy-tsundere type side-eying between Kaori and Shiori.

I love how the music fades from the peppy dance to the warm pads and piano, creating a sort of "introvert moment" for the two sisters in the midst of the lively scene.  I honestly don't know if I've seen this kind of thing portrayed often in these types of shows -- this sort of "silence in the midst of a crowd" feeling.

I feel like there is some alternate telling of the story here where Yuuichi and Kitagawa's antics end up making Shiori and Kaori burst helplessly into laughter and they can't help but break the distant atmosphere between the two of them as a result.  That....version of the story would be really lame, I think, haha.  It's cheap and doesn't really do justice to the weight of inertia for these two.

But Kaori =does= end up being convinced.  She's still got her sense of pride (tsundere attitude...) so she doesn't break down and give her a hug or anything, but she concedes in her own way, acknowledging Shiori as her sister and telling her "let's talk a bunch later, ok?".

This whole thing honestly reads....a little bit confusingly at first, if you ask me.  Like, the energy of the scene is easy to understand, but like....everyone important kinda already =knows= that these two are sisters, why is it such a big deal for Kaori to say it out loud?  Why is she so stubborn in not doing so, and more importantly, why does she change her mind now?

But I think there seems to be a big theme of "being honest/dishonest with your feelings" when it comes to both Shiori and Kaori.  These two sisters are constantly saying one thing but really holding another truth in their inner emotions.  When Shiori and Yuuichi are poking fun at each other, it works as a fun playful energy, but when it comes to forming an actual connection, you can feel a sort of emotional distance put up because of this dissonance.

I think the anime does a good job of playing out this transition.  At first you just see the "cutesy secret" side of Shiori, but as things go on further, you see the little moments from everyone -- Shiori, Yuuichi, and Kaori -- where they are caught with their true feelings showing through the cracks.  Even this simple scene above where Shiori looks up and sighs as she walks home, speaks a thousand words (again something that isn't possible in the VN, but only in the anime, woo!).

Shiori puts on a smile, but in reality she's really sad that her time is coming to an end.  It feels somehow easier for her to just act happy and not have to deal with the weight of the truth.  Kaori, too, does this, although she puts on a cold face instead.

And I actually totally get this.  Emotional vulnerability can be =hard=.  And maybe these girls think, "what good does it do to confront the truth?".  It's Yuuichi, then, that comes and disturbs the status quo.  Pushing firmly but respectfully that "it's important to connect while we still can".  But more importantly, questioning whether it's =really= easier to keep hiding all of our true feelings.  Putting on a mask is...tiring, isn't it?

The video that largely spurred on this rewatch/reanalysis project points out how Kaori and Yuuichi have a sort of dichotomy here, in that Kaori chooses to avoid forming a bond with Shiori, so that she doesn't have to confront the truth of Shiori's fate, while Yuuichi chooses TO form a bond with Shiori because of it.  I'll just repeat this image here for emphasis on that:

If we examine Shiori's story from the perspective of Kanon being a story about loss and grief, then I think you can read it as being specifically about making amends with those who are about to pass away, or about reconnecting with them while you still have the chance.  It's slightly similar to Makoto's in that it deals with end-of-life, but this time it's more about communicating feelings, rather than caring for someone.

I think my reading on it is a little more broad and general than that.  Shiori's story, I think, tells us how important it is to be honest with our feelings.  Both toward each other, and for ourselves.  This is a bit paradoxical as one of Shiori's main "appeal points" as a character is her sort of tact and...lack of straightforward bluntness when compared with everyone else.  But I think because of this, Shiori's story is the one that can authentically illustrate how =hard= it can be to be honest about our feelings.  And rather than invalidating Shiori's way of being, I think it tries to paint her in a sympathetic light.  Like, "of =course= it's hard for these girls to confront the truth."

After Shiori breaks down (during the night of her would-be-attempted-self harm), she talks about how "she realized she was crying because she was sad".  This line is in the context of how she was first laughing (from remembering Ayu and Yuuichi), then crying, but I like how simply it illustrates the conflict.  When we are in the darkness (also see: literal darkness), we can forget that we were sad to begin with.

But we can remember these things.  Just like Shiori could remember that "I don't want to die", even though a few moments before "it felt like I'd already left the world behind".

The conflicting feelings that Shiori has toward emotional authenticity make the scenes at the end of her arc feel like a big payoff.  I can really see where Shiori fans are coming from when I think about this growth...It's exactly because you've seen Shiori insist for so long that she's "just fine" and doesn't really want anything for herself, that when she finally musters up the courage to ask Yuuichi if they can hold hands, you understand that it's a big moment for her.  And the relationship between the two of them is built up appropriately such that you feel that Yuuichi really =wants= to hold her hand, not just do it because "well, I better be nice to this girl who's gonna die".

These last few moments between Yuuichi and Shiori in episode 18 are really some of the strongest in the entire series (so far at least).  Just look at that lighting!

We already knew, though, from both Makoto's route and Mai's route, that we can't just have a happily-ever-after end.  And just as we start to see Shiori really open up, and say "I don't think I want to die", we also get her running off, making an excuse of "I'll go buy something warm", and then leaving us with this as the last we get to see of her (for now at least):

So yeah, we kinda get the "tragic end" story here, too.  But this time I think it works a lot better than in Mai's arc (which was just confusing).  Even at the very end, Shiori wasn't completely honest in what she said.  I think this works here because it feels like too drastic of a change for Shiori to just do a 180-degree reversal of her character.  She is still Shiori, she doesn't need to just say everything straight out.  Kaori, too, still maintained her (admittedly rather stiff) boundaries around how far she was willing to go after the birthday party ended.

And I think that's important for us to consider, too.  That the moral of the story isn't just "don't be like Shiori, you gotta speak your HEART man!!!".  It tells us that even if we are still like Shiori in the end (and who isn't, just a little bit?), we, too, can connect with others, and connect with ourselves.  Maybe sometimes, with a little gentle encouragement from others.

"I'm a weak person who cannot live without help from others."

"That's fine!  Everyone has to live with support from others.
If miracles can't happen, why even have a word for it?"

While Makoto's arc I think places us pretty firmly in the shoes of Yuuichi in terms of how we can relate to it, Shiori's arc is a bit more multifaceted in that I think we can choose to place ourselves in Shiori's shoes, or even Kaori's shoes, as well as Yuuichi's point of view.  At times, we may be too afraid to confront other people.  At times, we may be too afraid to confront ourselves.  And at times, we may also be the people who can gently show that we =want= to know.  We want to know both the Shiori who "kept smiling until the end", but also the Shiori who was willing to admit that they were afraid, too.  This, along with the fact that Shiori's arc is much less "fantastical" than Makoto's or Mai's, perhaps makes it feel more obviously relatable, even if we don't literally know someone who is terminally ill, or someone who is undergoing an awkward conflict with their older sister.  There's bound to be some part of the experience that we can understand, even if it's only the "I realized I was crying because I was sad" part.

 

...and with that, we're onto the last 6 episodes of the anime!  Phew...I've done quite a bit of writing here, and I have to assume that will probably continue as we examine Nayuki and Ayu's stories.  But it's wintertime, so what better time to continue on with Kanon...?