My run in the ALTTPR Go Mode Podcast Mentor Tourney is still going!  I made it through round 1 of the top 16 bracket and am now fighting to stay alive in another game 3 set.

Last week was very stressful, being the first week that I was facing elimination; those extra stakes really caused me to try and put extra effort into prepping myself for the match.  Fortunately I've been able to relax a bit more this week.  I've been feeling pretty good about my play; so as long as I can finish out while keeping that going strong, I'll be happy, regardless of how far I end up making it.

In other news, we placed 29th overall for our Game Maker's Toolkit Game Jam entry!  There are a few finishing touches to put on that, but nothing too big.  That is one of many small items in my work queue, in addition to releasing the Rhythm Quest Demo and getting everything updated on all of the websites and all.

Some exciting changes are across the horizon!  But as always, my eyes are on the path directly in front of me.  You can only do your best to take the next best step, nothing more.

I actually thought I'd have more than this to write, but I guess I don't for now.  That's okay, I should really just be doing some other writing anyways.

I'm doin alright, honest.  Let's see...

ALTTPR has been taking up a big chunk of my life as I practice and try and improve as best as I can -- it seems like some of my fellow mentees have been doing the same.  Nothing like some stakes on the line to encourage you to really grind and put in the work, I guess.  Honestly, after this week (when we move into best of 3 brackets), I may try to cut back on practice time since I'll be playing 2-3 matches a week instead of one.  Yes, I'll feel pressured to perform more than ever, but I want to remember as well that this isn't the most important thing in my life right now, so trying my hardest isn't really something I need to push for.

It's funny how in weeks 1 and 2 my nerves came into play a little more, but here in week 6 was when I realized I needed to think a bit about my mentality and have a chat with my mentor about how my thoughts had been going in directions I didn't like so much -- comparing myself to others, thinking about winning vs losing, that sort of thing.  I came into this tournament with little expectations, but I noticed those expectations creeping in and realized that I needed to take some moments to remind myself that I wanted to evaluate my performance and improvement against my own terms, not against whichever opponent I happen to be paired up against.  Well anyways, I've got my race in 8 hours, so wish me luck on that...

Chickies...I really want them to be safe and happy.  Even when I have to leave for the day I feel bad leaving white chicky alone, even though I know she's happy in her bin for a good portion of the day.  Just want to make sure she's safe and provided for.  I really wonder sometimes, whether they like me.  I know duckies liked me.

I felt a bit of anxiety in recent days -- maybe related to the ALTTPR pressure stuff I mentioned above?  But maybe separate from that.  I felt it in my chest a few times, even at dance -- I remember thinking to myself, oh -- I've always felt some level of discomfort with the social aspect of dancing, but could this be, "social anxiety"?  It was an interesting feeling.

I'll be doing GMTK Game Jam this Friday and Saturday -- hopefully that goes ok!  It's been a while since I've done a 48hr jam.  On the one hand, it's more stressful since you have that much less time than 72 hours for LDJAM.  On the other hand, you're done with it that much faster, so it's probably just less painful in general, which I'm sure I am going to appreciate.  I'll be able to have the day on Sunday to give myself a nice break...

There's been a lot of other stuff to take care of recently as well...everything from doctor's appointments to a smog check, and of course packing and moving...sometimes I wonder if this sort of energy is how everyone else goes through life: constantly without empty space with which to invite others into.  Not replying to everything, not keeping up with everything.  You do less and less for others, have less of a desire for them as well.  Maybe it's just a regional thing.

Don't worry -- I'm just chickyducky.  I miss ducky...

Can't believe I'll never be friends with you all anymore.

You really loved me.

I'm doing okay, I guess.  Better than last week, certainly.  Just trying to keep going, trying to remember what is worth fighting for.

Feels like I haven't really worked much on Rhythm Quest this week because...I didn't yet, actually.  Took Monday off and today I actually found myself doing other stuff -- recording a Patreon video, updating Goodnight Meowmie with added translations, did an ALTTPR ladder race, and went to the post office as well.  Doing my best to slowly work on all of these different things.  I need to start writing more, too.

Chicky ducky.

SimCity 2000 is another one of those games that I've been thinking about recently, so I decided to (after a surprising amount of struggles trying to run it) try playing it a bit.  It wasn't super bad, but wasn't all that great either.  I guess that's not super surprising; I've been spoiled by games like Caesar 3 (particularly the open-source remake) after all.  Beyond the clunkiness of trying to run the game itself (the speed settings are pretty bad...the highest one just disables throttling and basically runs as fast as possible, which of course is a problem when running on modern computers), the game isn't THAT interesting...but it still scratches that sort of basic city-builder itch of trying to lay out things in a grid and make sure everybody is happy.  Still, I don't think it's one I'll feel the need to revisit.  Caesar 3 and Master of Orion 2 on the other hand...I always keep thinking of those.  Maybe someday I'll also manage to finish an X-Com game.

We must put aside many things in order to keep the ones that are important to us.

The wheel continues to spin, slowly but steadily.  Will I be ready for everything that comes?