I'm doin alright, honest.  Let's see...

ALTTPR has been taking up a big chunk of my life as I practice and try and improve as best as I can -- it seems like some of my fellow mentees have been doing the same.  Nothing like some stakes on the line to encourage you to really grind and put in the work, I guess.  Honestly, after this week (when we move into best of 3 brackets), I may try to cut back on practice time since I'll be playing 2-3 matches a week instead of one.  Yes, I'll feel pressured to perform more than ever, but I want to remember as well that this isn't the most important thing in my life right now, so trying my hardest isn't really something I need to push for.

It's funny how in weeks 1 and 2 my nerves came into play a little more, but here in week 6 was when I realized I needed to think a bit about my mentality and have a chat with my mentor about how my thoughts had been going in directions I didn't like so much -- comparing myself to others, thinking about winning vs losing, that sort of thing.  I came into this tournament with little expectations, but I noticed those expectations creeping in and realized that I needed to take some moments to remind myself that I wanted to evaluate my performance and improvement against my own terms, not against whichever opponent I happen to be paired up against.  Well anyways, I've got my race in 8 hours, so wish me luck on that...

Chickies...I really want them to be safe and happy.  Even when I have to leave for the day I feel bad leaving white chicky alone, even though I know she's happy in her bin for a good portion of the day.  Just want to make sure she's safe and provided for.  I really wonder sometimes, whether they like me.  I know duckies liked me.

I felt a bit of anxiety in recent days -- maybe related to the ALTTPR pressure stuff I mentioned above?  But maybe separate from that.  I felt it in my chest a few times, even at dance -- I remember thinking to myself, oh -- I've always felt some level of discomfort with the social aspect of dancing, but could this be, "social anxiety"?  It was an interesting feeling.

I'll be doing GMTK Game Jam this Friday and Saturday -- hopefully that goes ok!  It's been a while since I've done a 48hr jam.  On the one hand, it's more stressful since you have that much less time than 72 hours for LDJAM.  On the other hand, you're done with it that much faster, so it's probably just less painful in general, which I'm sure I am going to appreciate.  I'll be able to have the day on Sunday to give myself a nice break...

There's been a lot of other stuff to take care of recently as well...everything from doctor's appointments to a smog check, and of course packing and moving...sometimes I wonder if this sort of energy is how everyone else goes through life: constantly without empty space with which to invite others into.  Not replying to everything, not keeping up with everything.  You do less and less for others, have less of a desire for them as well.  Maybe it's just a regional thing.