Anxiety/Insecurity, Zero Escape: Virtue's Last Reward, etc.

Aaand Thanksgiving break rolls around to a close.  It's only now that I feel the familiar twinge of anxiety knowing that tomorrow will be a work day once again.  But rationally I remind myself and know that that's actually perfectly fine.  There is always that brief flash of wondering, "Did I do enough with my time?  Is this actually OK?"  Perhaps that is a symptom of modern human society, which tends to merit success based on how well we can put aside our emotions for the "future good" (marshmallow test).  I wonder if the so-called "FOMO" that I hear about is something similar to this feeling, of "Did I do enough?  Did I use my chance well?"

There's two more things I'd like to say about this feeling before moving on.  The first is that I think it's perhaps indicative of anxiety and an at-times almost paranoia-like fear of failing to meet some standard.  I mean, okay, I guess it's obvious that the feeling I'm talking about is related to anxiety, but what I really mean to say is that I think you can go a step further than this and ask =why= this anxiety exists.  If there's an internalized fear of "not doing enough", then why exactly is that fear there?  What actually is the big deal if I "didn't do enough?"

The feeling is perhaps commonplace enough that we don't really question it, but I think you can connect the dots and figure that for whatever reason, there have been negative consequences in the past for not doing "enough".  For not being "enough".  In essence, the anxiety is really rooted in a sense of insecurity.  Because someone who does not feel secure doesn't =need= to prove to themselves that they "did enough".  That they "are enough".

Ironically, the way to help yourself with insecurity in the long term is not to convince yourself of your own worth, but rather to make peace with feelings of worthlessness.  We can, of course, simply put in 2x the effort that we normally would, and point to the fruits of our labor as being "enough".  And many of us have adopted this strategy in life, for so long that is has become a way of life.  But really the root of it is an acceptance of what seems like "failure".  And that acceptance in turn can be facilitated by understanding that sense of "failure" -- by sitting with it.

The other thing I'd say is that I think in my experience it's been important to have something to look forward to in the workday, even if that something is not anything about the work itself.  It could be that the breakfast they serve in the early morning is delicious (french toast with powdered sugar and maple syrup, smoked salmon bagels with cream cheese and capers made to order??).  It could be the MtG league that runs at lunchtime.  It could be nothing more than a cute co-worker who you don't even talk to but is eyecandy.  It just helps to have something -- anything -- to look forward to.  It's terribly hard to motivate yourself to do something when 100% of it is negative.

I blew through the rest of Zero Escape: Virtue's Last Reward.  In the end I feel like the story was better-told than that of the original 999, and there are some cool moments of plot intrigue and secrets being revealed that play along with how you jump from branch point to branch point.  I can see why people enjoyed it a lot, and enjoyed it more than 999.  I think it handled branch points quite well and that is its main notable point.  But overall I would not say this game is a must-play in my opinion.  The pacing was a little off at times, but the puzzle segments were actually fairly enjoyable which was a nice refresher from 999.  Though I would be ready to look at hints because a few of the solutions are either a bit obtuse or slightly misleading.  Don't get me wrong -- they're mostly perfectly fine, it's just a couple of them could be more clear.  Anyways, I quite enjoyed the story and learning about the mystery of what is going on, though I think overall the story of 999 will be more =memorable= to me despite never actually finishing it myself.

I liked the character designs in 999 more as well, they just...had more depth to them, I feel like.  I know I'm biased because I tend to enjoy 2d spritework more than 3d stuff, but I truly do think that the 2d art was much more detailed and expressive.

For comparison, here are some characters from Virtue's Last Reward:

And now the same thing, but from 999 -- specifically, the remastered version, though I originally played the NDS version, which looked just fine if not even better.  In fact I feel like if you took this same scene from the NDS version it probably reads better because the remade version has the common issue where the background is too saturated and bright and thus the characters don't really pop out against it.

Look, I'm not saying that 3D characters can't show expressiveness, or be drawn with great attention to artistic design and detail.  Just look at some screenshots of the FF7 remake to see how far we've come:

But if you look at Luna and Phi from the first screenshot above, even though they've got some interesting design aspects (Phi's black hair accessory, Luna's hairstyle, and her necklace), overall they just kind of look....sort of generic.  Their poses are completely symmetrical, their faces look like something you could make using a Nintendo Mii, and their shadows don't really give anything a sense of depth.

Look at how much detail is oozing out of Clover and Snake in the second screenshot for comparison.  Clover's pose tells you a ton about her character...Snake's angular jawline combines with the aesthetic of his clothes for a very "structured" look, yet his collar is slightly unkempt which suggests that although he's "princely" he still has a clumsy side.  Think about how differently these two silhouettes read!

Okay, anyways, that's enough about Zero Escape.  I should really just save all this sort of writing for actual reviews on my website...

What else has been going on...?

I've now made legitimate ramen enough times (4) successfully to consider it part of my learned cooking repertoire.  Would highly recommend ramen_lord's book of ramen as a reference point, though I would tend to skip some of the more laborious and tedious steps of the recipes simply for efficiency's sake.  Sous viding the pork belly for chashu is a great hands-off method to get melty tenderness, and for noodles I have just been using sun noodle packs, and making pork broth (paitan) using twin pressure cookers (for extra yield).  Ramen unfortunately takes a lot of different ingredients all coming together, but one fortunate thing about it is that most of the ingredients can all be prepared in advance and held in the refrigerator, or even the freezer, for long periods of time.  Tare keeps pretty much forever, and broth, noodles, and even chashu can be frozen.  Unfortunately that has meant that my fridge and freezer space has taken a hit as I've just got tare and broth sitting around randomly, but that's a small price to pay for ramen, the likes of which I'm not really going to be able to find =anywhere= in this country during covid.

I've had the random itch to play Alpha Centauri of all things.  Not sure if I will really pull the trigger on that, but I may try it for a bit and see how fun it actually is -- initial perusal claims that despite its outdated UI and interface it actually has stood the test of time as far as gameplay goes.  And hey, I don't think ANY ui can be said to be "too outdated" for me if I'm willing to invest as much time as I did into Ultimate Universe, lol.  Anyways, I guess this is just how it goes...I just randomly get urges to go back to games from the past and replay them.  And why wouldn't you?  I guess maybe other people do feel these sorts of nostalgia urges too, but I think the difference is that I actually act on them.  Maybe I am just better at jumping into my past than other people?  Ah, who are we kidding, of course I am...let's be real here...