Write something, anything, it doesn't matter what, so here we go.

Have been continuing to learn about knife sharpening technique, and thanks to some good resources I finally feel like I understand what I am doing and what to look for in terms of burr formation, etc.  I ordered a cheap (<$50) Japanese Nakiri (vegetable) knife and am trying that out for vegetable tasks.  We will see how often I really reach for it though, this is carbon steel blade so I always feel a bit of trepidation knowing that I need to handle it with a little more discipline, which may end up being a factor.  In the end if that dissuades me from using it too much, that tells me I should just go with stainless steel blades.  One this is for sure though, it's a hairline Nakiri which is quite thin and it is actually great to sharpen, I think the steel responds very well to the whetstones making it much easier to tell when I am actually making progress.

There is something common about most of the times that I feel the worst in life.  There is nothing to be done about it, but I do recognize that thing.

I have finished relearning the taiji jian 32 form so I guess I have three forms that I can rotate in my sessions now.  Unfortunately the air outside has made it rather infeasible to really have a nice session but maybe that will change, maybe not.

I'm sure I will probably write about it later, but there are a number of websites organized around correspondence with those who are incarcerated.  I am currently looking at https://prisonercorrespondenceproject.com/ and will probably try to kick things off with that one.  Though I am somewhat eager to do so, I don't think now is the right time as I have neither the emotional capacity or non-volatility nor the time to do so.

LDJam site seems to be up again, so looks like LD will indeed be a thing.

Personal finance stuff has been going...rather well actually.  I have been keeping it relatively simple while still venturing out to do an extra step here and there.  I think I am at a good spot as far as this goes.

Have been continuing to try out the new pens from jetpens.  They are all pretty good really, I will continue to use them and then be able to really give an opinion on most of them.

I can feel the telltale signs.  I'm conscious of it, so I pretty much know what I am in for.  It seems that this will last a little longer than it might have seemed.

I have been noticing moments of feeling extremely tired.  I don't actually think it is because of the depression, rather, I think it is because of the practice of holding myself up precisely.  I both derive strength from this practice but at the same time it exerts a lot of energy.  It really makes me think though, how was I ever able to survive when I did this on such a regular basis?  But then again, perhaps it is easier to do so when there is less self-doubt, and when others do not place the burden of social interactions upon me.  For that is always a burden, not a blessing.  Like beasts in the plain, they come and assume that they will lift me up together with them.  But it is only a strain on my energy when I must evade their attempts.  Not flitting about, dancing like a butterfly that you cannot catch, but rather, fading into nothingness, like a mirage that you tried to grasp but then realized was not there for you to touch at all.

I retreat into the shadows, and wait until every one has left.  It is only then that I can shuffle across the grass, staring at the clouds, with a gentle smile on my face that no one will see.  Her strength is my strength, and her quietness is my resolve.  Even she is not perfect -- for even she has not yet made a difference.  But she is at peace with who she is.  I wonder if she is at peace with who I am as well?