2026.05

https://ddrkirbyisq.bandcamp.com/album/monthlies-202605 

Recently, someone close to me needed to have medical intervention and was bedridden for some time; part of me wondered if they would ever be the same after that.  I, too, have been through hard times this past month.  Nothing as drastic as that, to be sure, but certainly I felt the vitality in my spirit fading, diminished. Perhaps, I wondered, too, whether I would ever be the same.

On the other hand, I am sick and tired of "waiting around for my life to get better".  Some problems, cannot be solved -- some weaknesses, are perhaps not worth the effort to address.  I could seek forgiveness for the sins of my past, train to be a person so "perfect" that I would accept imperfection.  But I am tired of explaining myself, tired of questioning who I am, tired of feeling like I don't belong, or don't deserve happiness.  I am tired of being judged by the imaginary phantoms of my mind.

I knew who I was, once, and now, once again.  Even after I threw all of my dreams away, I, still, will never back down.  Someone who I used to care about very much once told me to never let anyone else control you.  So I won't.  It doesn't matter anymore whether I am right or wrong.  It is just who I am.  Regardless of what you, or even the world thinks of that.