16th Journey - "Are you sure?"

As is annual tradition, I brushed the dust off of my Playstation 3 for the anniversary of a very unique game, "Journey".  I've done a playthrough every year for the anniversary event for some time now, it's a nice sort of yearly tradition and a chance to reflect on life.  Like a virtual pilgrimage, of sorts, really.

It's funny, when Journey was still a newer game to me, I would think about how I felt like I didn't play the game as much as I could have.  I knew others from the old TGC forums who would talk like old, old, old veterans, having explored every nook and cranny both inside the levels and out.  I suppose my place in the Journey community now mirrors my place in the Social Dance community in a funny and weird way -- someone who has been around for quite a long time, and developed their own way of doing things, yet not necessarily the most knowledgeable or skilled.  And perhaps a bit of a loner too =P

Anyways, where I was going with that is that nowadays I actually feel like once a year is a perfect amount to play the game, I've become familiar "enough" with the sights and landmarks and all.  Well, except for the fact that I wandered around lost in the Pink Desert again -- some things never change, haha.

I activated the flyers in the first level (broken bridge area) and had some fun chargeboosting to the top of the level, as well as out of bounds, briefly visiting the hidden tapestry and skybox area in the back.  I was finishing up and wandering back to the top of the broken bridge when I noticed that I had connected to a companion -- a red cloak who had been activating the first two segments of the bridge while I walked around out of bounds.  I stood on the top level of the broken bridge, near the history lesson point, and briefly observed the reddie from afar.  They seemed normal enough.  I briefly wondered if I should play a harmless little prank on them and wait for them somewhere interesting at the end of the level, like meditating in front of the history lesson.  Or ooh, what if I stood motionless while they sat down, but then during the history lesson, moved to a different place altogether?  Hehe.

In the end though I decided to keep my distance and that this was not a companion that I would go out to greet.  Interestingly enough this really fits with what I had written in my Viennese Ball 2023 post a couple of weeks ago...

Right.  I forgot to mention probably the most significant thought I had over the course of this Journey, which was the moment I felt when I booted up the game to start a new journey and was met with the prompt "Current progress will be lost.  Are you sure?"  I already wrote about this yesterday, so I won't belabor the point, but that really stuck in my mind for a while, and would continue to be a theme for this Journey, based on what has been happening in various parts of my life.

For the time being, though, I had gone through the Pink Desert (albeit losing my way a bit) without much incident, and in the Sunken City area, managed to clip out of bounds and had some fun exploring the backstage / glittery sand area.  I actually spent quite a bit of time wandering around out of bounds there, climbing impossibly-steep sand cliffs.  Interestingly enough, I realized that since I had not seen the history lesson, the trigger for the next level was not active, and I had to end up clipping back into bounds in order to proceed.  On the other hand this let me sit peacefully in the cool little spotlight area past the history lesson, which felt really nice.

I didn't want to explore out of bounds in the Underground, so I pushed through there at a relatively brisk pace.  I did do my flyer-assisted chargeboosting in the Tower level though, making it all the way to the top again :)  That is starting to really become a tradition of mine now...it's always so interesting how these virtual spaces really become "known" to you when you go back to them again and again over the years.  I'm sure there are people who can navigate the first level of Doom 2 in their sleep, or know the Mario 64 worlds like the back of their hands.  This begins to be something a little similar, I think.

I actually managed to clip out of bounds in the snow level this time by myself -- a first for me I think!  I did it using the chargeboost spot near the beginning of the level, and had some fun exploring various parts of the out of bounds area.  I've only really ever been there once or twice so it was a bit exciting, yet also a little monotonous as there was just a lot of slow trudging through flat or steep snow.

Along the way there were a couple of interesting thoughts I started having.  One was that, well, I had triggered the super-dramatic music for the "death march" at some point I think.  So that certainly gave a treacherous feeling to wandering around in the out of bounds area.  I also was able to reach closer to the "mountain" than ever before, I think, while wandering around back there.  It really seemed like if I just kept walking I would be able to reach it.  However, I began to also become increasingly worried that I would drop into the death march, without ever having stopped by to visit my favorite location in the entire game, the little lantern rest area in this level.

So I turned around, clipped back in bounds, and made my way back through the level, backtracking until I finally reached the lantern room.  I approached with a little bit of trepidation as the very tense music was still playing.  Would the music shift at all as I approached?  Would the lantern even still light up?  To my relief, the dramatic music subsided and gave way to the peaceful and serene lantern room ambience.  I lingered there, as always, setting my controller down as my in-game avatar sat in the warm glow of the light, watching the cold wind and snow blow by outside.

I began to wonder as I sat there, whether I should really complete this Journey or not.  What was wrong with simply remaining in the lantern room forever?  Did I really have to take the death march and ascend to paradise in order to call it a "finished", a "fulfilled" Journey?  I knew that eventually I would -- I wanted to see the rest of the game, and complete the arc of this story.  But I did wonder what it would be like, and why.

Recently in life I have been thinking about how -- and whether or not -- to accept transient things as they are, rather than pining for them to remain with me.  As I considered these things, I thought about the role of the other companions you meet along the way in Journey, as well as the ancestors that interact with you in the history lessons.  The ancestors are a constant.  They are always there, and will always be there for you.  In the past, I have even had thoughts of looking up to them -- they have ascended, in a way, and are forever there, forever peaceful.  But in the end they are just NPCs.  I will never have the same sort of experiences with an ancestor as those times that I had when I was able to journey with companions such as Gilorien or raisin.  The ancestors are static, that is both why they last forever and resist change, but also why they cannot truly fulfill the need for companionship.  And it is the opposite with the other companions -- they offer "real" company, but they will always be separated from you at the end of your journey.  I didn't have any deep epiphanies as I was thinking about all this, but that is what I was thinking about.

Interestingly enough, the death march wasn't as traumatic and fearful as it usually was this time -- because the music had already been triggered before.  Normally as I go through the death march I'm reminded of all of the pain and suffering -- it tends to bring to the surface all of the pent up feelings of sadness or hurt or stress that I've been ignoring in my daily life, and reminds me of how life can be incredibly difficult and unforgiving.  But this time it didn't do that.

As I emerged into Paradise, I for some reason was really drawn to the two large scarf whales that rise up at the beginning of the level.  Perhaps, because I had been basically companionless for my entire Journey (especially so when I was out of bounds), I really desired their company.  I went through most of the level, hastily, in an attempt to chase after them, to catch them.  I had never realized how fast they travel through the level!  I wanted them to wait for me, I wanted to play with them.  Finally in the last open area I reached them, and they sung their whale-like song as I stood atop one of them.  It brought me to the golden beam of light to ascend to the peak of the mountain, and then dropped me off.  But there was no way I was going up to the light yet!  I turned around and chased after my whale friend again.  I didn't want to ascend...I wanted to play more!

But as cute as the scarf whale was, in the end it, too, was also simply an NPC.  Preprogrammed to fly always in the same path -- taking you up to the golden beam of light, and dropping you off.  In keeping with this Journey's minor theme of early music triggers, the "final ascension" music had already played (as I had refused to fly upward), which meant that I was left in Paradise without any music at all, without those familiar staccato violin strings.  That...was actually a lovely experience, to simply wander around peacefully with the sound of the waterfalls, the gentle cooing of the whales, and my deep resonant chirps.

Eventually it was time to go, and I walked into the light by myself before watching the credits roll.

Recently life has been suggesting to me to live in the moment.  To embrace the beginning, middle, and end of all things equally.  But I'm not sure.

Something I confirmed during my Journey today is that when you leave the lantern room, the lantern goes out.  Forever.  Even if you walk back to the room, the lantern will never turn on again.  The peaceful music won't come back.  The light is simply gone out forever.  Extinguished, by the fact that you left.  That made me sad to think about.

Would it be wrong?  To simply stay in the lantern room.  Of course, there is not that much to do in that room.  Maybe it's obvious that you should move on at some point.  But I'm beginning to wonder whether I enjoy the peace of the lantern room more than the free and open air of paradise.  Which one is more important to me?  Is it worth giving up what I have now, in order to start over and continue to experience new things?

"Current progress will be lost.  Are you sure?"