Monday, March 13, 2017

Journey's 5th Anniversary, Feeling Lost

Happy 5th anniversary to Journey today!

I talk about this game all the time -- I know right now all the hype is about Breath of the Wild (which looks really cool too), but if you don't already know about the importance and legacy of Journey I highly encourage you to at least look it up.  I'll be joining in the 5th anniversary playthrough event this afternoon, looking forward to it as it's been a while since I've been out on the sands!

Lately I have been feeling quite lost in life -- "like I have nothing".  Somehow I really had a strong feeling that the universe is just swirling, spinning, and moving along, and I was just lost in all of the movement and turbulence.  Like I could not find a foothold, or an anchor to ground me.  Writing my 1000th letter got me thinking about the past too.  I think I really got overwhelmed thinking about all of the things that I have lost over the years, because I did not have a corresponding set of things in my mind that tie me to the present -- things that I know, understand, and am comfortable with.  Apparently I was incredibly sad about this last night because I ended up crying a lot about it.  It made me realize that I am going through life a little too "quickly" at the moment, and that I need to dedicate more time to things that help me feel grounded, anchored, and connected to the past.

My thoughts about the past have really become a lot more informed throughout the years, via various things -- in particular, the time when I tried to skip my annual Christmas letter tradition (and ended up feeling so doubtful and sad about it), and the time when me and my best friend tried to develop our "bird" / return game (the predecessor to Rain) together.  Both of those experiences, as well as the note about the sand castles ("Why?"), along with many other things, made me realize that it's not a matter of whether I should let go of the past and move on.  Because most of the time that's just not something I can do.  Looking backward is just something that I have to do, something that is a part of me.  I need to move slowly through life.  So I know now, that when I am feeling this way, I can't solve things by letting go -- I just have to go more slowly.

Let's try our best again this week.

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