Wednesday, October 21, 2015

How easily are feelings changed?

I have always believed that consistent effort and dedication should be put forth into relationships, even during the times when I didn't.  But maybe the bonds that last are those for which that process is natural and easy.  I wonder how much of it is two people consciously trying to come to enjoyment with each other, and how much of it is just finding the right needle in a haystack?  The whole green vs. blue argument--destiny vs. free will, and nature vs. nurture.  I guess the simple answer is that both are necessary...

1 comment :

  1. I think you're right: both are necessary. Consistent effort and dedication is good, _provided_ the relationship is worth it. One of the big problems with relationships, is that it really does take two. Sometimes the other party isn't putting forth _their_ effort and dedication, and shows no signs of improving that - nothing you do can really compensate for that. And sometimes both parties are interested in making the relationship work, but their communication and personality styles just really don't mesh well together.

    But I do think that it's natural if a relationship is consistently taking serious effort to maintain, to seek "more efficient" relationships where you feel like you're getting at least as much out of it as you're giving. I don't think I'd personally stay in something that always felt like work.

    FWIW I've been married for 16 years, and it's felt pretty easy to maintain for most of it*. Most of the really rough parts were in the earliest years; the rest was just regular garden maintenance. :) (IOW, do your weeding promptly, and be as honest as you both can stand, all the time. No game playing, no hiding things.) I have the strong impression that this is an abnormal result for a married couple, and I suspect that, in addition to sound strategies (or at least the absence of unsound strategies), luck probably played a significant role...

    * But be wary of people who say their relationships are easy, heh. I've known couples who seemed like things were going great, and then things explode because it turns out one of them was basically just making themselves a doormat for the other. Which, yeah, makes the relationship "easy". Until it isn't.

    Sorry for the drive-by ramble. Anyway, really enjoy your music and particularly your LD rhythm games (especially Ripple Runner). Keep up the great work!