Seems like I've been making shorter posts recently!

Feeling good about life.

That feeling when you feel like it's easier to speak to someone through music than through words

"The only thing worse than starting something and failing… is not starting something."

-- Seth Godin

ISFJs disagree. xD  (and other Si-doms)

Slow down, life.  One step at a time, ok?

Slept together with Shia last night for about 10 hours.  Really needed that.

Small things hurt entirely more than they should.

I've just finished letter #999...the next one is the big 1000.

Someday I might attempt to spell out my thoughts on Princess Kaguya.  I don't even know if I could, but maybe someday I will try.  Maybe.  Someday.  It's not so simple to explain.

Happy belated birthday to Cinnamoroll!

It's kind of funny, but for reals...somewhere along the way while I was driving to Dancebreak, listening to some pretty awesome music, I just had this feeling that I suddenly rediscovered what makes my life meaningful again.  Making music, dance, creating art, flow state, the process of mastery and feeling that you can achieve anything.  I don't really know how I forgot about it but in that moment I feel like I remembered why I am alive.

I kind of miss working with charcoal.  I mean, I didn't even do it much and I'm not any good at it or anything, but I miss it all the same.

Sheesh!  Was going to cook some chicken curry using a premade indian simmer sauce until I read the label again and discovered that it contains almonds???  sigh...  made sa cha chicken instead as a backup.  Been using that sauce more often since dinner with BenZhen -- it's a nice one to have handy!

Seriously though, I get it that nuts are awesome and healthy and everything but I wish for my own selfish benefit that they didn't pop up in these random foods and ingredients every once in a while.  It's hard to be vigilant when things are not regular.

Things are...okay.  It's really nice that it's the weekend.  Dance was nice, as was playing melee earlier today.

People could be...a lot better, I think.  But I shouldn't try and be one to judge.

Kiki was in my dream last night (I think it was last night, and not the night before).  She had some psychopathic French teacher who upon discovering that her class was not fast asleep like they were supposed to or something, basically chased after us like some sort of maniac and used acupuncture-like needles (!?) on us as a sort of punishment.  Dreams are weird.

Played through some more Earthbound the other day, and actually got back to where I was earlier! (Just after Belch)  Have also been progressing through Hatoful Boyfriend, lol.

I hope that things will be alright.

Creature of Habit

It should come as no surprise that I'm a creature of habit.  The continued existence of this very blog should be enough to prove that.  But by "creature of habit" I don't mean simply that I default to doing the thing that I know, but more than that, that I have a =need= to be engrossed in a habitual rhythm (as I'm writing about in a letter -- letter #999!).  Everyone does, to a certain extent, I'm sure, but I feel like there is a strong correlation between my mental and emotional well-being and whether I feel like I am following the daily life patterns that I know to be good.

Currently things are a mix, really.  I'm doing alright, but at the same time, I know that something is wrong.  Fortunately, it's not a "scary" feeling, not that dreaded, awful feeling of "wrongness", which is one of the worst feelings to have.  But rather, it's more of a feeling that where I am right now, is not really quite where I want to be.  That I'm not comfortable with my current "resting place", if you could even call it that.  And I think identifying and becoming able to fall into familiar patterns is something that will help me cope with this feeling.

I think this is, out of anything, one of the ways that MBTI helps me form a more concrete idea of the way that I function -- in that it lets me put a name, "Si", to something that I already know intuitively to be important.  Speaking of MBTI, I totally mistyped my mother all this time and as it turns out I think she is ESFJ not ISFJ which makes a lot of sense.  Now you know...

As the years go on I feel like the number of things I can write about here become less and less, which makes me a bit sad.  There is something really beautiful about being frank and honest about things, despite how crude and immature it may be at the same time.  I feel like many people look back upon their past writings and ideals and shudder...I think I am glad to have grown in many ways since then, but also sad that things have changed, of course.  There are parts of the old me that I don't think I can truly recapture anymore; parts which I think are actually very significant to my being.  Sometimes I do wonder what it would be like if I could still keep a very direct translation from what's on my mind to what is in this little corner of the internet.  I would probably get in a lot of trouble sometimes.  But perhaps it would be healthier in the end, too.

Though I know from firsthand experience (don't we all) that it can be really atrocious for someone to go on about themselves and their problems all the time, I think it is really dangerous for us to make it a habit to cover all that up and engage in small talk all of the time.  For me, personally, at least, it makes me forgot how to be "real" again, which is frightening.  I think it's good to try my best to avoid falling into that.  I know that I am fighting upstream against the current, even more so when it comes to other mediums like phone calls, but it would be unbecoming of me to stop trying.