I guess it is a lesson I've taken away from my experiences? I'm beginning to think more along the lines of "why should I?", and "what have you done for me lately?". In the earlier times, it used to feel impossible for me to stop pouring effort into things because it just felt like there was no other option -- even a bad friendship, for example, was better than no friendship at all.

Maybe a couple of different things changed there. Not just the fact of having some connections that actually bring me happiness, but also having gone through relations that were =worse= than having no connection at all. When you are starving you are kind of desperate for any kind of food, no matter how good or bad it is for you. And it's easy to say "you should watch what you eat" but that is really hard to justify to someone who feels like they just need any sort of sustenance at all.

And so, it has become easier for me to push aside those things that are not serving me well. It is surprising sometimes how easy and clear it is for me to see. There is almost a sense of "why didn't I see this earlier?", even though of course the circumstances were different earlier.

Perhaps it is a bit presumptuous to say that I have simply become better attuned to my feelings. But I have to imagine that is a part of it, too. This is probably what they mean when they talk about "authenticity" being a shield that protects you in life -- either by keeping you away from experiences that are bad for you, or simply by warding off people who you don't want to be in your life.

Of course there is a flipside to all of it, too. There are things that you lose if you go too far, if you become apathetic and unwilling to put in any effort for anything, if you become faithless, and assume the worst outcomes. But there are avenues where it is simply clear that it does not behoove me to put in more effort if I don't want to. There are strangers who have done absolutely nothing for me over the course of my life, demanding that I work harder to fulfill their wants and expectations. Why should I? What do I get out of it?

A lot of the time in this world the only person who's really looking out for your own happiness has to be you.