What is it like, I wonder?  To be "normal", to go down the path that you're supposed to.  Is it just, easier?  Some people I'm sure, pay a price for trying to be normal, and "failing".  But I'm sure there are those that also, don't.  What is that even like?  Is it like being really smart and not having to work hard in school for your grades?  You just kind of go along and don't have a lot of those difficulties, a lot of those struggles, or something?

I guess I dance better with petticoat, no matter what the style.  Social dance is an interesting environment to be in; in some senses it forces me to confront both how I am different than others, but also the same.  I'm not sure which is "worse", really.

At the very least, I felt an unexpected confidence and energy, at one point.  It's rare for me to feel that these days, quite.  It's strange to think about, how I have it in me, yet am unable to access it most of the time.

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Sure, it's bad to be so stuck up that you're constantly believing all of the stories you craft about yourself.  But like, isn't it also bad to never believe in them, either?  Of course, we'd all like to strive to be nuanced and balanced individuals, but I'm sure we can all think of at least some times when we succumbed to playing the victim card, or times when we were gaslit into thinking that we were the one with the problem when we never were.

It is scary to get that wrong, but perhaps it's also futile, in a sense, to try and avoid it.  When we say "we are all human" the connotation is around making mistakes and not being perfect.  Odd that "imperfection" is what we associate with as a race, when there are so many other things that you could also consider universal experiences, strengths, traits.

My friend was talking about how they have a distinct impression of Gen Z folks and the way they talk, communicate, joke.  There is a certain sort of detached sense of humor, or even a detached way of relating to what's going on.  It's almost "insincere" in a way, it would probably be really uncharacteristic to just come out and say outright, "haha, I think this is so funny", or "that's terrible...".  I'm sure there are complicated sociological factors at play here, but the story I have in my head is that these are people who grew up in a world where nobody is safe from judgment, anywhere.  When I think back I remember seeing tabloid maganizes at the grocery store, it always seemed like some movie star or celebrity was involved in some scandal or something, according to them.  And it seemed so far away, so distant, so...imaginary.  Like, these people hardly feel real, and even if they were, certainly none of these allegations could be taken seriously?

But perhaps there are those who now grow up in a space where anything at all could be considered "cringe", where we have a word called "tryhard" which is supposed to be derogatory.

What's weird, or maybe troubling to me, about it all, is not really the behavior of the new generation, or what is "cringe" or whatever, I mean, sure, maybe those are problematic too, but I think what really strikes me is that like, being vulnerable or putting yourself out there or being authentic or expressing yourself fully was =already= really hard even without all this.  We face problems with our ego, we fear rejection, we hide under masks, because damn, the world has always been a harsh place, even when it's just totally normal.

That's fine though, I think.  You can't rush these things.  You shouldn't expect to magically ascend into nirvana or heal all of your trauma or become the ideal person you've always wanted to.  I don't necessarily think I need to glorify being flawed, but...like, stay flawed.  That's totally fine.  Necessary, even.  That is somehow an important part of being "human", right?