Another leaves my life, forever.  I did not get to say goodbye this time, but I already had, in a way...a while ago.

Somehow I feel more willing to move on from this connection, than most.  Not that I have moved on, but just that I don't feel such a resistance to it.  I think it's because it's not like I'm giving up on something.  It was a terrible thing, but being "stuck" or "not stuck" on it is neither right nor wrong, it's simply a path for me to traverse.  For other things, moving on would mean admitting that life is not the way that it should be, would mean giving up on what I believed should be true.  But not this time.

I'll miss her, I guess.  But it's more a feeling of sadness that she is gone, rather than missing her.  This is because I already knew that she was, in a way, gone from my life, along with the others.  Perhaps if there was a way, if there was a way that they could have been part of my life again, then things would be different.  But I don't think it was meant to be.  And so I think I had already grieved, when I said goodbye for the first time.  Perhaps there are others in my life for whom I would feel a similar way if they also left.

In a way, it's easier this way.  To have to give up on a connection, before it is taken away from you forcibly.  Maybe if I had known all those years ago that I would have to give up on Kiki, things would have turned out much differently, too.  At that time, I didn't know.  She was the one that taught me, what it looks like when someone won't come back.

You were happy, weren't you?  I'm sure it was so painful for you, when you had to leave.  But you had been happy, right?  And before, too.  When we were once together.  When I sang "My Idea of Heaven" to you softly.  My idea of heaven...lying here with you.  I really loved you.  And I miss you.

...

Anyways, my vacation has been nice so far.  I've even managed to do a good amount of work along the way, too.  I can feel that these breaks are healthy for me...this one in particular, I can feel my spirit being refreshed, in a way.  It goes both ways, too.  An excitement at being in a different place, but also an excitement for returning to what is familiar.  I wonder if this feeling is common, for those people who like to try new things often.