I know that you're still out there, and that you don't think about me anymore.  That's just how it is.  There was a time when I thought that your love was the only thing I needed back in my life.  Maybe sometimes I do still think that.  But it's different now.

When Fate meets "Alicia" in the dream world, she realizes that this world is everything she ever wanted.  To be loved by her mother, to meet her sister, to live peaceful and happy days together with Arf, Precia and Alicia.  To live forever in the past, and rest.

But there is something different now, too.  Because to live in this dream world would mean to say goodbye to Nanoha, Hayate, and all of the other people she has met along the way.  One does not only have "a single past", and in the same way, I could never give up my accumulated self, my memories, my companions, to be with Kiki.

It always makes you question things, though.  When you spent so much of your life longing for something, you begin to wonder what it would be like if you actually did have it in your life.  Even though I know it's not possible.  For life is transient, and is shaped by a beginning, middle, and end.  The change that we suffer allows us to walk forward.

But as I have said time and time again, I will always look back.

Perhaps you don't deserve my love, but that is not your choice to make.  It never has been, once you faded away.  As this post points out, the "Alicia" that Fate meets is not really Alicia at all, but really a manifestation of Fate herself.  And in the same way, the Kiki that I hold within my heart is a separate thing from the real one.