I got a bit down thinking about social contact, about people and how they care about each other, or don't care. About how we choose and don't choose to engage with each other when not forced to.
Tuesday, March 31, 2020
It got me really depressed. And I was going to try to figure out how to put it all into words, but of course, I don't need to, because I already did, 8 years ago.
So just read that instead. Because 8 years later, it's pretty much the same thing. The only difference is that at least I have found the people who care.
And don't get me wrong -- that is a world of difference. But it is still really sad to think about. Really sad to call these people that I know won't answer. But I have to. Because if I don't, I know I'll have truly given up.
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If someone hasn't been in touch with me for awhile, I will assume that they no longer care about me, and then I will be too afraid to contact them. The problem with that assumption is that I really don't know how another person feels about me. For all I know, they might be thinking the same thing with regards to me. I don't believe I'm the only one who thinks this way, but despite knowing this, I'm still hesitant to reach out to people.
ReplyDeleteThe reason I isolated myself from all of my high school friends, after graduating from college, was shame. I was ashamed of where I was in life (no job, not in grad school), and scared that my friends would judge me negatively. I believed people behaved that way because my parents mocked other people for their failures. Consequently, I lost a group of friends, and at this point it would just be awkward for me to try to make contact beyond minimal interactions on Facebook. Also, given how we've changed since high school, I'm not sure I could even be friends with them now.
There is perhaps just one person whom I feel completely comfortable reaching out to after long periods of no contact, and I think that's because the friendship was deeper to begin with.
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ReplyDeleteI just wanted to add that I shared my own perspective to illustrate that sometimes when people don't make contact, it's because of their own reasons, and not people they don't care about you.
ReplyDelete@urunimi thank you for commenting. I think your assumptions are actually pretty reasonable. I don't think what I am doing is "rational" in the sense that, why would I invest time and energy into someone who has proven that they are either not interested or not able to reciprocate that? But it is still something that I believe in, however "dumb".
ReplyDeleteI think it is an unwillingless to let go, and a mechanism to cope with the cognitive dissonance that comes from an inability to do anything concrete about it.