Sunday, February 26, 2017

I didn't make that blog post about the Journey cosplay, but did an album on FB, so I guess you could just look at it there instead for the time being.

It's been a while since I've had a night all to myself like this.  It's both super liberating and productive, yet at the same time slightly terrifying and lonely.  It's a weird feeling.  In the past I've always had many of my best periods and most "stable" times during these hours in the night (though mixed in with forlorn occasions, I'm sure).  Somehow these times are the only times when I get to really feel like I am "catching up" on life.  Times when I am sifting through new music and cataloging it, organizing files and photos, putting things in their place, even just cleaning and tidying up my room.

There's a feeling of relief in that I'm getting to do these things, but also a strange grip of what I can only describe as "fear" at the realization that I'm not doing nearly enough of it.  I think prioritization is important and it's fine that there are some projects that are just not important enough to warrant dedication to.  But there are others that worry me.  I've always talked about how it seems to be much harder for me to really get productive and get a lot of things done since leaving college and I've always chalked it up mainly just due to the fact that I had less work to do and attend in college, but I wonder also if part of it is just the fact that I was able to have these nights of undisturbed time, and those times were presumably when I was able to sit down and do the things that end up requiring more activation energy.  It's an interesting thought, but also a frightening one because even given nights like that at my present state, I don't know if I could make good use of them.  I'm not sure.  But I guess the only thing I can do about it now is try my best to adapt to how things are now.

VBall 2017 was last night and part of me is still reeling from the rotary waltz contest where I truly gave it my all.  I feel like it deserves its own post, so I'll say no more until then.  For now, I'll try and get some sleep...

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