Sunday, March 6, 2016

aaaand we're back.  Phew!  Wouldn't it be sad if all I posted in here nowadays was just cryptic one-liners from when I'm depressed and hating life?

Anyways, Bad Times lately, as should be evident.  I'm not sure whether I'm totally out of the woods yet or not; only time will tell, really.  I've got the feeling that I'll probably still be a little out of sorts for a bit...this isn't the sort of thing that just goes away in a snap, after all.

Being --- again has sort of taken a toll on me emotionally.  I mean, I feel fine as I write this, but it's definitely been pretty hard to get used to, and has led to me feeling pretty demotivated and negative in general.  Fortunately, I have a network of people who are trying to help; unfortunately there's not that much to be done except let time do its thing, I'm guessing.  The other thing that sucks is that I'm not very outgoing about it, or at least it feels that way compared to how I thought I was.  Part of it is that when you're not really feeling hopeful about people or relations in general it becomes harder to make an actual effort to connect directly with someone without shielding yourself off or brushing it aside to the normal chit-chat.

On the plus side, not all is bad!  This weekend I actually got quite a significant amount of progress done on Zenith Fighter, which is pretty cool.  Not only did I get the wave clear popup and gold earning done, but I actually came up with a design for the shop UI that is simpler and more straightforward than what I was initially envisioning, and went ahead and implemented that too.  So shop is (essentially) done, which is fantastic!  With that I've actually got the framework for most everything that you really need in the game, so next I'll be focusing on trying to make more "stuff" -- primarily focusing on different enemy types first, then also upgrades, and then later, other characters.  We're really starting to get there, which is awesome. :)  It's come a long way!

I started trying to pick back up my Conspiracy 2 set design -- let's see if I can finish up with that before the =actual= Conspiracy 2 set releases (August 2016).  I rejiggered a bunch of the mechanics and whatnot, but am still trying to find a good skeleton for how to fit everything together before I start working on the actual card file.

Bought a Halibut fillet that I'm going to try and cook tomorrow night...never cooked it before so I'm still not 100% sure how I'm going to go about doing but I think I might just stick it in the broiler with some butter and herbs -- probably a more foolproof (and potentially even better) way of doing it than trying to fuss around with a pan (I also have no panko/etc on hand for breading anyways).  I also bought a bunch of brussel sprouts (!) which I'm going to be attempting to roast with olive oil and bacon ('cause, bacon) at none other than LSV's recommendation after his most recent "cooking tips" on the Limited Resources podcast, lol!  We'll see how that turns out.

Been playing through Ghost Trick with Kat lately, which has been fun!  It's great having something like that to go through together.  I've also been progressing through another playthrough of Revenge of the Titans on the side from time to time, which has been fun too.  I'm currently on the first mission with the flying enemies who drop bombs on your base and struggling to figure out a good layout to prevent all of my structures from getting owned.

The weather lately has been sort of a mixed blessing...on the one hand, no sun is =great= as it means everything is both more beautiful as well as less filled-with-allergies.  On the other hand rain is not the most fun to walk through after a certain point, especially since the parking lot at work is under construction and when I stay in Milpitas I also need to walk a bit after parking my car.

When I get down nowadays I tend to just feel really down on both myself AND the rest of the world; it's sort of just bad times all around with me thinking that I am the worst person ever but also feeling like I don't really care about anything else in the world because it sucks.  Neither are true of course but that's just sort of the way it is sometimes when you're down in the dumps.  Sucky.

Me and my fellow ISFJ had a long talk about dance and wondering how we should be approaching it nowadays, having turned into the proverbial "dance snobs" and all.  I think I decided after this last outing to the city that heading up to SF for Mission City Swing is just not worth it in general for me; there are just so many other things that I could be doing with my Wednesday night and it's not like WCS is this amazing thing or anything.  I think I made the realization that if I'm not going to be making any real friends by going out there it's really not worth my time and effort spent and I think that's the right mindset to have about it.  I think FNW and Jammix are a different story since it at least seems like I =could= be making friends at those places, even if that might not necessarily be happening right now.  But I don't really see it happening at MCS, just doesn't seem like somewhere where I'm going to just have fun and open up to people and what-have-you.  Man, how did I ever make friends at FNW and Jammix in the first place?  Me and fellow ISFJ were trying to trace back to when it seemed like that was the norm rather than the exception.  Really strange how much things have's not like I was terribly outgoing or anything back then either -- if anything I was MORE quiet and reserved, yet somehow it seemed easier.  Like I keep on saying, it's probably half us and half the other people who go there.

Anyhoo, that's me!  Still haven't really been finding the time to work on music or letters much at all lately...I feel as though the music thing is more of a motivational problem though; I don't really feel like writing anything at the moment.  Eh.

One step at a time I guess.  Tomorrow is another day...

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