Thursday, March 15, 2018

This week has not been the greatest for me, as I have been feeling a general sense that life is not quite worth fighting for.  Sometimes when I think about how something that I believed in and wished for is no longer within the realm of possibility in this transient world, it feels like I have no choice but to sit down and simply stop moving.  There was a path that I was following, but like the rest, somewhere in the middle it was cut short; derailing from the other end, opening up into a wide chasm of nothing more than unrealized hopes and dreams.  When confronted with that, would I turn around and start walking down yet another path?  Would I plunge into the emptiness and try to swim to the other end, knowing that it would only bring me futility and grief?  Or would I simply stand there, unmoving, and silently wishing for what never was, what was never meant to be?  Waiting.  Because even if I were to give up and walk away, it would always remain in my mind forever.  And someday if I finally reached an oasis in the desert, would that really be a success?  When that mirage would continue to haunt me forever.

I don't know which dream to hold onto anymore.  Only that I am too stubborn to let them go.


Unjammix happened last week, which was pretty fun.  We had some blasts from the past, including Dive Deep and Lucid Dream, which I made wayyy long ago for Celestial Melodies, as well as my remix of Puru - Toki.  Overall the music seemed more tame than I remembered, but then again the last one was 7 years (!) ago, so I wouldn't trust my memory of it anymore anyways.  There were some really good ones sprinkled in here and there though, so I enjoyed that.

Also I love Celeste.

Been working through a Phendrana Drifts remix, in the style of Sentience, but good lord it is taking a long time.  It's turning out alright I think, but just a real struggle to figure out which direction to take it for each new section, so it is taking forever as I throw different ideas at it in an attempt to see what sticks.

There are some potential exciting changes coming in the near(ish) future for me, so another thing.

If there is any respite, it's that I will be reconnecting with someone next week.  Something that will probably be a healthy break for my weary soul.


"This is it, Madeline. Just breathe. You can do this."

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