Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Sometimes, I almost feel like posting over at Love Everlasting, my wordpress archive of my now-lost xanga site.  I don't know, just because of the history of it all, you know?  It takes time to settle into a new home.  I still consider just paying the $48/years for xanga premium sometimes.  I know it wouldn't be the same though, and blogspot is surely a more convenient option now anyways.  It was a good move.  But the history will still always remain.  I still have flashbacks to thoughts, things that I wrote about, and "the way that I was".  But...of course.  We all have thoughts like that sometimes, memories of the past, don't we?  Maybe I do a little bit more often than most, or maybe not.  I'm a little less hung up on it now.  I'm still just as sentimental about the past, but I also value the here and now just as much, and even the future too.  Because eventually, all of these things will be past.  And they are all worth treasuring.  Even if this blogger site doesn't feel like it carries history now, surely it might, someday.  In fact...I do feel like I've made enough writings on here, that it's important to me too.  A lot of those writings were lost, confused, and searching for what I should do, but I won't deny that part of my history, just as I won't deny the times when I just felt forever lonely, "in a rut".

Hah, just what got me out of "the rut" anyhow?  I think a lot about myself had to change in order for me to stop feeling that way.  It certainly was not that I wasn't trying hard enough...I know for sure that back then, I "worked" harder for friendship than I do now.  I tried very hard...I wrote many letters, made many calls.  Started many chat windows.  I almost wonder, if things would have gone better if I had not had that determination to try so hard?  Because in the end, I just needed to change.  To value different things, to value different people.  And also, to reconsider what it truly means, to be a good friend to someone.  Hard work...is not enough.  I guess it was a bit futile, in the end.  But I wouldn't ever, ever deny or regret those things that I did.  Even if they were futile or misguided, the "past me" is very very dear to me.  Even if he is not a person I would even like if I met him today, I am thankful that he existed, and will always remember it fondly.  Back then...I was more loud, for certain.  I'm actually happy, that I'm a bit quieter now.  I wonder if he would approve, too?  I think...he might.

Speaking of moving on, and things of new...I have a new job now, at Machine Zone, since us folks at Quark have gotten gobbled up and acquired by them.  Of course, I can't say much about it, not only because I shouldn't, but also because I've only spent a day there so far.  But...I'm sure that it will take time to settle into this, as well.

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